Page 56 of Reclaim

“Umm I guess, but what’s the real difference from here?”

“It’s my place for one. I feel like I only use it as a hotel. An expensive one at that.”

“You can go home then,” he spits out defensively. “Nobody’s forcing you to stay here.”

“Hey, man, what the fuck? “She’s here every weekend for you. Stop being a dick and see her place.”

“Hendrix,” I interrupt. “It’s okay. I’m sorry for involving you. Everything is okay.”

“I wasn’t going to utter a word till someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed,” he shouts.

“Fuck this. I’m going outside for fresh air.” As both hotheads walk away, I stand in the kitchen on my own, still with no solution.

Ignoring the both of them, I walk into Jagger’s room, crawl under the covers, and try to fall asleep.

Just as I’m about to doze off, I hear the door swing open. “Wanna tell me what that’s about?”

With my back to him, I answer. “No. Not really.”

“So, Hendrix can know, but I can’t.”

“No, Hendrix figured it out and you haven’t.”

Footsteps tap against the floor boards, and I brace myself for the sight of him. Crouching, he situates himself on the floor beside me. His eyes are dark and cold. I haven’t seen him this distant since prison.

“Tell me,” he pleads.

Salty tears fall down the side of my face. “It’s you who has to tell me.”

He leans his head on the mattress, and his shoulders shake unexpectedly.

I restrain myself from comforting him, because this time I need someone to comfort me too.

There are days where I can’t be a pillar of strength for both of us.

“The other week I was in the grocery store next to the warehouse,” he starts. His voice is soft, the tremor making it harder to hear. “And this guy stopped to ask me a question. I switched off and stopped listening the minute he opened his mouth, because this unsettling fear sat on my chest and the possibility of not knowing the answer to the question.”

He looks up at me, the cracks in his mask starting to show. My hands wipe the tears off his face. As each of his disappear, another one drops on my pillow.

“I didn’t want to sound stupid or for someone to look at me the wrong way and figure out I was just faking it out here. You’re the only thing that’s real Em, but everything else feels like something I can’t overcome.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I thought I could hide it, and I’m too much of a coward to let you go when I know you deserve better.”

“Don’t push me away, it’s not fair,” I cry. “We’ve come too far for you to think I’m going to up and go when the going gets tough.”

“I’m too scared to leave the house, Em. Anyone else would jump ship.”

“We’re still learning remember? Isn’t that what you told me?”

He climbs onto the bed and lays beside me. Burying his head in my chest, his limbs cling to me in desperation, and I hold onto him with fear.

“Don’t let me go he,” whispers.

“Not even if you let me go first.”

* * *

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