Page 49 of Reclaim

“I’ll miss her the most, but she’s hooked up on social media, and so am I. There won’t be time for us to miss one another.”

Processing it all, I know anything other than support is selfish, but it doesn’t mean him leaving won’t sting. He has put his life on hold for me, and it’s taken its toll. If he needs something in return, I won’t hesitate to give it back.

The doorbell rings, the delivery guy announcing his arrival and giving us a small reprieve from our conversation.

‘“Your cool to eat out of the box, yeah?” He asks, handing me my pizza.

I don’t even bother answering, eating my first slice in silence instead.

“Off topic,” he blurts. ”Do you think you can ask Emerson if there’s anyway to can get around your Working With Children’s Check?”

“I’ve already looked into it,” I say, surprising him. “Don’t be so shocked it’s not the first or the last time we’ve had the same thought.”

“What did you find out?”

“Well, if I only had drug convictions then they would overlook it, but grievous bodily harm by criminal negligence, better yet against a child.My child. They’re not willing to give me any privileges.”

“But you can volunteer?” he says sarcastically, irritated by the government’s logic.

“They write it down as community service hours,” I remind him.

“Can’t you show them proof of your positive relationship with Dakota now?” He’s persistent, and I know eventually I’ll have to get Emerson to tell him to let it go. “What about her quick recovery and no permanent damages?”

“Drix, I don’t want to piss anyone off and get the few good things I have going for me right now taken away. Not to mention having to make Sasha relive that.” His face twists, probably remembering the way she was that night. “When I got carted off in the police car, I was frantically trying to find out what happened to Dakota. And they wouldn’t tell me.” My jaw clenches at the memory. “For days, they hung that phone call like fucking fish bait, keeping all their cards close to their chest. For all I knew, that bullet perforated an artery and she was dead.”

Twelve years later and my heart still sinks to the bottom of my stomach thinking of the possibility that one shot could’ve killed her. “It wasn’t until they finally believed my confession and slapped me with three convictions that they told me she was okay.” Receiving good news about Dakota had been the happiest I had ever been in my whole time away. “When I found out the therapy she would need and thought of her journey to recovery, I fucking got away scot free. I didn’t have to see my daughter suffer, and I deserved to. I don’t want to cause Sasha anymore stress, especially not for a little bit of money.”

Hendrix nods, but I see his mind gearing up for an argument. “I understand where you’re coming from, but think of the life you could provide for Dakota with a more permanent job. If I leave, that job could be yours.”

“I know. What you say has merit, and that job offer would change my life, but volunteering is enough for me right now. It’s like I’m still paying my penance.”

“You paid it Jagger. So many fucking times over.”

“Not in a way that’s ever going to ease my guilt. I don’t expect you to understand, and I pray you never ever have to. But I didn’t think I’d be able to reach the level of happiness my life sits at right now, and I don’t want to fuck with it.”

17

Emerson

Arriving at the netball courts, Jagger and I wait for Dakota to notice we’re here. Her team’s participating in a day-long tournament, and she asked for all of us all to come and watch her.

Loving how organically our friendship has blossomed, it’s comforting to know we don’t need Jagger to act like the middleman.

“Is it weird I’m nervous about meeting Sasha?” My confession is wrapped up in a question, something that has worried me since spending more time with Dakota. “I’m relieved you’re finally in a good place with her, and I don’t want to stuff that up.”

“Sasha’s not one to hold back, and I did ask her how she felt about you and Dakota meeting.”

“You did?”

“Yeah. I didn’t want to fuck up when we’d finally all managed to land on the same page.”

“And I’m guessing she was okay with it?” I ask.

“She said if it’s serious, it’s okay.”

“You said we were serious?”

He cradles my face. “I said I didn’t know what we were, but with you it was more.”

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