Page 37 of Reclaim

“Dakota, why didn’t you speak to me about this?” Sasha chastises.

“I spoke to Uncle Drix.”

“Why didn’t you speak to me?”

“Because he keeps kids’ secret for a living.” Dakota’s answer is so matter of fact, it’s hard not to be impressed by her logic. “Anyway, I knew you were young but I didn’t really get it till I got closer to that age, and I thought of the girl… I asked Uncle Drix if you guys ever considered not having me. I made him pinky promise he wasn’t lying just to save my feelings, and he said you didn’t even think twice. So, I decided to be a lot less angry and a little bit more understanding.” Her mood has turned so nonchalant, it’s almost comical, but I stay on task because Hendrix is right--there’s only so many times we can reiterate this stuff.

“Maybe you could use that kind of understanding when dealing with those ratbag kids that like to tease you, huh?”

“Jagger.” Sasha narrows her eyebrows at my insult.

“They are ratbags, but you,” I point at Dakota’s chest, “can’t call them that.” She gives me the smallest smirk. “What happened that night wasn’t anybody’s fault but mine. There’s no two ways about it. Understand?”

“I don’t want to talk about it anymore.” She stands. “I’m going to find Uncle Drix.”

She storms into Drix’s room leaving Sasha and I alone, Dakota and her presence distinctly missing.

“She’s stubborn,” I say.

“You have no idea. She makes sure everything is on her terms.” She gestures to the door Dakota just entered. “Case in point.”

“Sasha.” The mood becomes heavy as soon as her name leaves my mouth. There’s so much that needs to be said between us, but neither of us know where to start. I know a lot of what I want to say is to ease my conscious, but now that I’m out and life is moving, I miss my best friend, and I want the mother of my child to tell me everything I missed out on. But we’re not there yet. For different reasons we’re still stuck in those horrific moments, love and friendship not enough to see us through.

“I was too hurt to care,” she whispers. The surprise on my face must encourage her to clarify.

“Hurt to care about you, and how hard this must’ve been for you.”

I move to sit beside her. Resting my elbows on my thighs, my upper body leans forward as I try to prepare myself for the ripping off of the bandaids.

“It was that solicitor that finally made me realise it.”

“Emerson?” I question.

“Yeah.” The thought of her sits heavy on my chest as my body yearns for her, and my mind hates that I love how I can’t escape her.

“You were never a bad dad, and I couldn’t put the you I knew and the you that put our lives in danger together. And it wasn’t until she asked me why you did it that I realised I never asked.” She wipes the corner of her eye, stopping her tears. “Naturally, I went into mum mode, but I never stepped back into friend mode. I should’ve reminded myself of the beautiful young man who moved heaven and earth for me anytime he could, and I didn’t. I didn’t ask the most simple question, knowing that you wouldn’t hesitate to answer me, and that cost you everything.” Tilting her head she graces me with her red, water-filled eyes. “They asked me for a character reference. I don’t know if anyone told you that. But I could’ve told them the good things about you, and maybe you wouldn’t have spent so much time away.”

“Sash.” I throw my arm over her shoulders and hug her close to me. “As wonderful as it would’ve been to hear you be able to come up with good things about me at that time, there was no way a character reference was going to allow me to walk away from those charges. Like I said to Dakota. All. My. Fault.”

Ignoring my protest she continues, “you’re not a bad person, you just did something bad to survive, and I’m sorry I didn’t acknowledge the difference until it was too late.”

Her small steps of acceptance and forgiveness unlock the invisible shackles around my body, and for the first time in a long time, I think of Sasha, and I’m not enveloped in a dark cloud of despair.

“One more thing,” she adds on. “Why didn’t you out George?”

My legal representation at the time begged me to tell them if there was anyone else involved, told me my sentence would be significantly lower if I snitched George out. While I was worried about retribution from him on my family, the main reason I didn’t out George was simple. “I wanted to punish myself for my actions. Every single year I spent behind bars, I deserved.”

She grabs my hand and links her fingers through mine. “I never got a chance to tell you, I’m really glad Dakota has her dad back.”

“I missed so much.”

“You did, but I know you. You’ll make up for it.”

“You raised her beautifully.”

“I had a little bit of help.”

Hendrix walks out of his room at that exact moment, and I feel the anguish between them. It’s obvious they put their differences aside for Dakota and me, but why they can’t just start fresh and stop wasting time is beyond me.

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