Page 16 of Reclaim

“I’m still a criminal Emerson, no degree is going to sugar coat that.”

“Jagger,” I snap. “When you step out these doors don’t bring that negativity with you. People are working their arses off so your transition goes smoothly. For that reason alone, please try and be positive.”

“Positive?” he scoffs. “I need to be realistic. I’m not going out there with these hopes of a miracle just so I can be dissapointed. My expectations are low, but don’t misconstrue that for ungratefulness and negativity.” He points a finger to his chest forcefully, lowers his voice and speaks through clenched teeth.“Because, I’m not. That. guy.”

“Okay let’s call a timeout.” Monica makes a T with her hands, but that does nothing to break the tension between Jagger and me. Anger is radiating off him, and the familiar urge to comfort him settles in my chest.

“It’s going to work out Jagger, I promise.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I don’t,” I confess. “But from what I’ve seen and read about you, you’re determined. You went on to get a bachelor’s degree in prison, your behaviour has been good enough to be considered for conditional release, and let’s not forget the support you give newer, younger inmates. I lean forward on my elbows, invading his space as much as I possibly can without it being inappropriate. “You prove time and time again that if you want something bad enough you’re going to make it happen for yourself. Why is this any different? You’re your own worst enemy right now, and it’s my job to remind you every chance I get that you deserve to go home. You’ve paid the price for your mistakes. Let the past go.”

In this moment there’s nobody else in the room with Jagger and me. The voices drown out, and a thick blanket of understanding settles over us. I’m not going to let him give up on himself. No matter how hard I have to push or how uncomfortable it makes him feel. I’ll cross all the lines I know I shouldn’t, just to wade through the regret, and self-condemnation he insists on holding onto. People like Jagger deserve a second chance. They’ve paid their penance and earned their forgiveness.

* * *

Giving myself the afternoon off,I leave Goulburn and head back to the city to drop off the car and meet some friends for dinner and drinks. I’m about fifteen minutes from the office when my ringtone blares through the car speakers. I hit the answer button on the steering wheel, and the automated prison recording echoes through the car.

“Shit.” The loud voice surprises me and I momentarily swerve into the lane beside me. A loud horn sounds behind me.

“Emerson, are you okay?”

I straighten the car, and flick my blinker on, deciding it’s safer to pull over.

“Emerson,” he repeats.

“Yeah, sorry. Im here.”

“Geez, you scared the shit out of me,” he mutters.

Putting the car in park, I switch the ignition off and grab my phone out of the cupholder. Unlinking the bluetooth system I put it on my ear and continue the conversation. “Sorry, the automated voice surprised me, that’s all.”

“Are you talking and driving? Should I call back another time?”

“No. I had you on bluetooth but decided to stop anyway.” A strange silence settles between us, the mood shifting immediately. “You there?”

“Yeah.”

“What just happened? What did I miss?”

“Nothing.” He dismisses me and the question, but without the prying eyes of the law and narrow minded people who don’t understand, I push him.

“Tell me. Maybe I can help.”

“Aren’t you sick of offering me help?”

“I don’t do things I don’t want to do, Jagger. So, if I’m offering, it’s because I want to. Now stop deflecting and tell me.”

“It’s just one of those times when you think everything is going well, until you hear something that makes absolutely no sense, and you realise how much shit you’ve really missed out on.”

I do a quick replay of the conversation trying to remember what I let slip.

“The bluetooth.” I sigh in understanding, remorse making itself comfortable in mind. “I’m sorry, I didn’t even think.”

“Hey, don’t do that,” he reprimands. “Don’t make my problems your problems. There’s nothing for you to apologise for. It’s not the last time it’s going to happen, and I need to be prepared. And if I recall you gave me a whole speech today on positivity. So, even if it’s only for the duration of this phone call, I’m going to be positive.”

“Hmm positivity and a side of sarcasm.” I jest. “You’re just full of surprises.”

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