Page 93 of Tattered Edges

“Okay. One choice made. That’s huge. That’s enough for today. I mean it. I know it might be hard—but just get through today. Talk to Rory. Maybe schedule a doctor’s appointment to double check.”

“Oh, my god, Rory,” I muttered, covering my eyes once more. “What if he doesn’t want kids? What if hedoes?What if this is too much pressure? We’ve only been together for a month. Diane, what was I thinking?!”

“Sawyer—I think youweren’tthinking.”

Moving my hand away from my eyes, I buried my fingers in my hair, pulling it away from my face. I was gearing up to respond when she insisted, “Hear me out. As the woman who knows you better than anyone else on the planet—I have a theory.”

“A theory?” I deadpanned.

“Yes,” she said, not the least bit fazed. “I think you’re in love with Rory. I think you’re scared to admit it because you’ve only known him a couple of months, and in the last ten years the longest you’ve stayed in a relationship has been, what, four maybe five months? But…this time is different.

“I know I’ve never met him, but I don’t need to meet him to know how he treats you. I see it on your face and hear it in your voice when you talk about him. He makes you feel safe and loved. My theory is, for the first time in your life, you’ve found someone—other than me—who you want to trust with your whole heart, and it scares the shit out of you.

“I asked you if you loved him, and you said you didn’t know. You didn’t say no. You also gave him your body. Maybe it wasn’t completely conscious, but you still did it. And I know you. You wouldn’t do that with a guy you thought was just hot.

“When you’re with him, you’re not thinking, you’re just feeling. You’re falling. And I know it’s scary, but this news? You need to tell him. You need to see if he’ll catch you.”

“But what if he doesn’t?” I whispered.

“Something tells me he’s no idiot either; and it takes two people to make a baby.”

We were interrupted when someone popped his head into her office, stealing her attention. I couldn’t hear what he was saying, but Diane nodded in response, signaled she’d be another moment, and then offered me an apologetic smile.

“Hon, I have to go. I’m so sorry.”

“Go, yeah, it’s okay. I’m bothering you in the middle of your workday.”

“You’re not bothering me. You know I’m here for you. We’ll talk again soon, okay? Call me whenever. I mean it. And remember what I said earlier. Don’t worry about tomorrow. Get through today. Talk to Rory, then let me know how it goes.”

“I will.”

“Okay. I love you.”

“I love you, too. Bye.”

IsentRoryatext, asking if we could stay at mine that night, and then proceeded to wait for the longest three hours of my life.

Any attempts to distract myself were useless. I’d already blocked out the thought that I was pregnant fordays. It wasn’t an option anymore. Laying across my bed, staring unseeingly up at the ceiling, I tried to think of how I was going to tell Rory.

Having children was never a hope I’d harbored. I wasn’t against it, exactly—it just wasn’t in my plans. It’s why I didn’t know how Rory would respond. We’d never talked about it because neither of us ever brought it up.

I thought about Graham and how he and Maya had a child later in life. Then I pictured Rory with Daisy. He never denied her when she wantedup, and the sound of her giggle every time he tickled her made him smirk. He was sweet with her, but that was no guarantee he wanted children of his own. Confoundingly, I couldn’t decide whether or not it would be a relief to learn he didn’t want any or if that would make it even more complicated.

I replayed Diane’s theory in my head over and over again, wondering if it was true. Having known something close to love before, I had an idea of what it might feel like—and this felt different. There were similarities, of course. We were still infatuated with each other; but underneath our lust and passion was something calmer. Something stable. The more I truly thought about it, the harder it was to deny what we had was different because it was grounded in reality. Roryaddedto my world rather than blocking out everything that wasn’t him.

But would he catch me?

I left the door to my building unlocked, so Rory didn’t have to ring the bell when he arrived. When he knocked on my flat’s door, I sat up, startled, then took a breath.

My stomach was in knots as I descended the stairs, and when I opened the door to find him standing there, I no longer wondered if Diane’s theory was true. I knew.

She was right.

It scared the shit out of me.

“Hi. Are you alright?” asked Rory, frowning down at me in concern.

“I’m pregnant,” I blurted.

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