Page 79 of Passed Ball

"She did," I admit, nodding my head along with her. "And I have you to thank for that . . . and for this coffee," I say, bringing the cup to my lip for that first sip.

"So . . . you've got me here, and I brought the caffeine, now what?"

I push the stroller forward nodding for her to follow. "Now we take this girl on a walk. Then I thought we could head over to the planetarium and check out their newest show."

She falls into step next to me and when I look down she's glancing up at me, her forehead crinkled.

"Not what you expected?"

"Not exactly."

"I had to go to this charity event there to raise money for STEM programs in Denver schools. It was right after Kristy and I had broken up--I wasn't feeling like rubbing elbows, so I wandered off to one of the less crowded displays and walked around, lost in the story of the stars."

Vivienne lays a hand on my arm. "Were you two serious?"

I shake my head. "No. We were always on and off. There was a while where we were exclusive, but it was never healthy. I wasn't sad exactly, at least, not over losing my relationship with Kristy. Down might be a better description. I felt like a failure. Mostly because I spent so much time in a relationship that I knew was toxic. It was self-destructive, and it reminded me of my father."

She stops walking, turning, so she's facing me. "Is what we're doing self-destructive?"

Worry marks her pretty face, as if hurting me is so painful that she can't bear it and it almost breaks me. "Not for me and I hope it's not for you either. Having you in my life has lifted a weight off me that I didn't realize I was carrying. When Kristy walked away, I was hell-bent on doing this on my own."

"I hate to break it to you, but you were kind of a mess. You know, even though you have help now, no one can replace what you do for her."

I like to think that's true and hearing it from her makes me believe it. "I could have fumbled through all the diaper changes and baths, but it was the mental toll of not having anyone to talk to--I was drowning in my own head. Knowing I can call you when I'm feeling isolated or overwhelmed is like a breath of air when you've stayed underwater too long."

She blinks up at me and I'm afraid I've said too much. Then, slowly, her lips curve up into a genuine smile and she starts walking again.

"You know, you're not the only one that's benefitted from this situationship. I don't have many friends, I never have. When I was younger, it was because I was always taking care of one of the kids. After I moved away to college, I was so focused on getting my degree and building a life away from home that friendships fell to the wayside. It's been that way ever since. Other than Tenley and my best friend Harlowe, most of the people in my life are more like acquaintances than friends."

Her hand brushes mine and I have to fight the urge to take it.

"Now that I wake up to good morning texts every day, I'm not sure I could go back to the way I was living before. There's life and there's life worth living. I want more for myself. "

My heart skips a beat. And then she continues. "Like fostering strong friendships with the girls--Lilah, Indie, Poppy, and Mia. I want to do things instead of going home to my apartment every night." She inches closer on the path making room for a biker. "I want to go home with you tonight and see what great feels like and then I want to wake up wrapped in your arms where I'm safe and cherished, even if it's one time."

I'm all over the place as I listen to her talk. I keep getting hung up on this still being temporary, when it's so real to me. To Vivi, I'm a friend giving her what she needs. When we started, this was about sex, but now I can see that there's so much more tangled up in this.

This thing is more than I bargained for, and while I'm not looking for the love of my life or a mother for my daughter, Vivienne's earned a permanent spot in my heart for what she's given me. Knowing that I've been able to give even a fraction of that back to her makes any pain that comes with losing her when this list is complete, worth it. So I tell her in a way that I hope doesn't scare her away.

"You came into my life like a shooting star--unexpected and brilliant. This might be a streak in the sky, but the spark you've left on my heart will last forever. You deserve the same, and if I can give you a hint of that spark, it's yours to take."

"I'm not sure I understand the science behind all that, but I'm pretty sure it was the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me."

"I'll teach you all about the stars while this little one takes a nap later."

"Xavier Kingsley, is part of your plan to ruin dating for me? Because no one else is going to be able to compete."

I point at her seriously. "We don't talk about that. It might make me an asshole, but in my head there's no one after me."

She throws her head back, stretching her neck out in the most enticing way, and laughs. "I've already seen you at your worst, remember that time you thought I was a fan?"

I frown. "Unfortunately. Yet, you still gave me a second chance."

She hums. "I didn't give you anything, you earned a do-over. And now, I'm definitely a fan. In fact, I might be your biggest fan."

"That's funny. I always thought my number one fan would wear my jersey to a game." The words come out of my mouth carelessly, but the vision they sear on the surface of my brain is one I need to make a reality. Before she can respond, I bite my cheek adding, "Something to add to our list."

Her cheeks heat, pink crawling over them. Without the makeup she normally wears to work, it's more obvious than I've ever seen on her, and I really like that too.

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