Page 64 of Passed Ball

"Holy shit. If I wasn't married already, I'd propose to that bikini," Lilah says when she looks over at me from where she's lounging on a pink floaty. She's the picture of relaxation, her pregnant belly glistening with the sunscreen that she's reapplying.

"I agree. You look like a goddess." Indie hands me a bottle of water and a towel.

"But actually, where did you get it? This baby is making my boobs huge, and that suit is doing things for your girls that would drive Cruz crazy." The slight current in the pool floats her past a sleeping Mia.

"I'll send you the link. There's a blue one that would look amazing with your eyes."

I almost sound like someone who's not emotionally stunted from shutting people out for the last dozen or so years.

Fake it 'til you make it.That's the motto.

Now that Xavier's in my life, I'm doing a lot less faking. And I'm not solely talking about orgasms. There have been more real, cheek pinching smiles in the last few weeks too. They happen first thing in the morning when I find a text waiting, wishing me a good morning. Then again in the afternoon, when he reminds me to take a break for lunch. Or later in the day, when he shares something funny that happened while he was on the road. And even from a random selfie he sent "just because."

Each message makes this independence I fought so hard for feel a little less lonely. Now, when Tenley or Harlowe question how I'm doing, I can honestly say I'm good.

"You're staying for the game, right?" Poppy takes the spot next to me at the edge of the pool. I release the claw clip from the strap of my bikini and twist my hair up, clipping it back because it's already sticking to my neck.

"Yeah, if that's okay. I haven't watched many this season."

"Of course it's okay. I'd probably cry if you left before the game, thinking it was because you were mad at us. These first trimester hormones are a real treat," Mia says, sounding groggy. She's been hiding behind a pair of sunglasses, quietly floating around the pool since I got here.

"I didn't think you were awake over there!" I say, excited to hear about Dean's reaction to their news.

"Honey, I'm barely alive, but sure, let's call this awake," she says with a yawn.

Indie and Poppy laugh, but Lilah looks a bit more sympathetic.

"Did you tell Dean?"

Her beaming smile is an answer in and of itself. She nods excitedly, looking gray as she scoots up on her floatie so she's sitting, propping her sunglasses on top of her head.

"After the game, as soon as we got home. His face was priceless; I wish I had a picture." Her eyes go misty. "At first I thought he might pass out, which was only because I gave him no lead up. The nerves were making the nausea worse, or maybe it was the ninth inning chili dog?" She considers that. "So I just blurted out that I was pregnant while he was taking his shoes off."

A tear slips down her cheek and I have the urge to sink into the water and give her a hug. We don't know each other well, but it's exactly what I would do for Harlowe. My entire adult life has been so focused on outrunning the feeling of being stuck that I never stopped to think about what I was giving up--new friendships. What these four have is rare and fuck, I miss my best friend.

I'd never replace her, but making some friends might not be bad.

"Once he realized what I was telling him, he practically tripped over his shoes trying to get to me. He started spinning me around and I had to tell him to stop because I was about to throw up all over both of us."

Tears glisten on her cheeks and I stop holding myself back, dropping into the warm water and gliding through it until I reach her. "You are going to be an amazing mom. I'm so happy for you guys." She leans over on the floaty and I wrap my arms around her.

"Thanks, Vi."

"What's going on with you and Mr. Play of the Day?" Poppy asks when I let Mia go.

I grimace. "I can't decide if that's better or worse than Tenley calling him 'Ginger Daddy.'"

Poppy throws her head back and cackles, joining us in the pool. "She doesn't."

I nod. "He hates it, which only makes her more enamored with the nickname."

"He does have thatdaddyenergy with you." Indie tilts her head thinking about it.

"It's definitely new. With Kristy he was . . ." Lilah's voice trails off like she's weighing her words.

"Not the same?" Mia finishes.

"Not at all," Indie confirms.

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