Page 27 of Passed Ball

I'm not sure what to say to that, other than the truth. "I'm sorry you had to go through that, but I'm glad you're breaking the cycle."

His shoulders rise and fall in an indifferent shrug. "She will always come first."

It's so matter-of-fact and I don't think he understands what a big deal it is, but I've seen it time and time again at Double Play--parents not putting their children first. "You're a good dad, Xavier. Dare I say a solid ten?"

He doesn't boast or pump his fist. Instead, he gives me a small smile and a heartfelt, "Thank you."

Chapter 12

Xavier

The only sounds filling the dark nursery are the soft gliding of the chair and the gentle sucking as Holland drinks her three a.m. bottle. That, and the noise in my head--the thoughts that started after the gala and have only gotten louder since.

Vivi's a puzzle and I've spent five nights trying to piece her together. She's breathtakingly beautiful, willfully strong, stubborn as hell, and kindhearted in a way that makes everyone she meets want to be better. And she's brilliant. I saw it firsthand during her speech and after in the way she could connect with anyone and everyone.

But then, there's that conversation at the table. That admission she made to the girls about her mediocre experiences with men. I can't wrap my head around it. Vivi Cardoza--a woman any man would be lucky to have--hasn't had a single, memorable, sexual encounter? It's a fucking crime.

And my cock is more than willing to be the one to change that.

But that's where we hit a wall. My priorities are clear. It's Holland--always Holland. No matter how much I want Vivi, no matter how badly I want to be the one to show her what she's been missing, I won't put anyone ahead of my daughter.

Until I get a handle on being a single parent, my dick can wait. But that's where things get uncomfortable because it means someone else is going to take the job from me. My body riots at that thought, like it goes against every fiber of my being.

"It's really a fuc--freaking problem," I whisper into the darkness. The only thing I can come up with to explain why that bothers me, is that Vivi brings out the parts of me that have been dormant since Holland was born.

For a few hours with her, I let my guard down and wasn't just Holland's dad. Dancing with her, earning her laugh--it brought back the playful side I feared was gone.

But somehow, Vivi and the flimsy truce we formed seem to be the missing piece to that puzzle.

This is a riddle better solved when I'm fully awake.

Tenley's been here every day since the gala, helping with Holland while I'm at practice or games. We're still finding our routine, but it's incredible how much the extra help has improved things. I'm not on the edge of drowning anymore. Now, when I leave, I can breathe easy knowing Holland is being cared for the way she deserves.

The sucking noise I've been surrounded by stops and I look down to find the bottle empty. Propping Holland against my shoulder, I pat her back until I get a good burp out of her.

"That's my girl," I whisper, my voice raspy. "Back to bed, Áine." I settle her on her back, swaddling her tightly, the way she likes, before I drag myself back to my room.

I've barely fallen asleep when my alarm goes off a few hours later. Pulling the monitor from the nightstand I see Holland still sound asleep. After throwing on a pair of shorts, I head to the kitchen and grab the premade smoothie I thawed last night. Tenley researched how to make them ahead of time so my mornings are easier and she's been keeping my freezer stocked. With the drink in hand I head downstairs for a quick workout.

I keep it light since we play this afternoon, checking the monitor between sets. I'm almost done with my last set when Holland starts fussing, ending my workout.

With Holland happily strapped to my chest, I pop my breakfast in the microwave, making her bottle as she sucks contentedly on her pacifier.

When the timer goes off, I bring our meals to the living room. Unstrapping her from the carrier, I settle next to the rocker, my breakfast burrito on the coffee table. Pre-making food I can eat with one hand has been the key to success in the morning.

"Teamwork makes the dream work, right, baby girl?" At first, talking to her felt ridiculous, but now it's better than the lonely silence when I don't.

It's not long before she's finished her bottle and I'm pushing off the floor to take our dishes to the kitchen. I glance over at her before grabbing the notebook Tenley brought on her second day.

She sat me down and said, "Communication is a vibe, Xav, and I need you to get it together." Then she showed me how to log Holland's bottles and diapers to keep her on a consistent schedule between the two of us. The parenting books taught me the basics, but my new nanny's methods are practical for keeping us organized.

Basically, this notebook is my new best friend.

Another thing I've learned is that the bouncer Poppy and Hendrix got me is a godsend. Bringing it to the bathroom when I shower has been the best parenting advice so far.

I'm realizing that accepting help, even when it's uncomfortable, doesn't make me a failure.

Fresh from my shower, I walk into the living room, shirt flung over my shoulder and Holland in my arms to find Tenley walking through the door.

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