Page 131 of Passed Ball

With a clean diaper on Holland, I put away the wipes and blindly reach for her pajamas. I stop when my hand finds glossy paper instead of the soft fabric I expect. Looking down, I see a pile of pictures that cause me to gasp into the dimly lit room.

Scooping Holland up, I pull them out, along with a pair of pajamas that I pay no attention to and carry her to the rocker. Flipping through the handful of pictures, my heart swells and emotion clogs my throat. I've been in this drawer so many times and I've noticed this same stack of pictures tucked away for weeks, but I've never snooped because I didn't want to invade Xavier's privacy.

There's one from the first night I came over, with Holland sleeping in my arms. The three of us at the park. Me chatting with Holland early in the morning after our first sleepover. Holland clutching my dress at the wedding. And so many other random moments, some of which he wasn't present for, others which I didn't even know he was paying attention to.

This man has always seen me, from the very start.

I want him to know I see him too.

I pull out my phone, snapping a picture of Holland on my chest, and send it off to Xavier.

Vivi:I'm here helping Tenley. She's a little spooked today--felt like she was being watched. Everyone is okay, but she didn't want to be alone.

It goes unanswered, which I expected.

Rubbing Holland's back, I soak in the feeling of knowing that good things are coming, despite a scary night.

She goes down easy, like usual, and I slip the pictures back into the drawer, leaving them undisturbed before I go back downstairs to check on my other baby.

Tenley's curled into the corner of the couch, an episode ofBlueyon TV.

"Interesting choice."

"Don't judge. I needed the dopamine hit."

"No judgement," I say, holding my hands up. When I sink into the couch next to her, I hold my arm out and she cuddles in.

"I was so scared, Aunt Vi, but now I feel silly."

"No. You're not silly. You did everything right. Always trust your gut."

"My gut told me to eat the gas station sushi that gave me food poisoning this summer."

"That's always the exception."

She doesn't laugh like I expect her to. Maybe she's still a little too shaken for a joke.

I switch topics. "Did you know about the pictures in the nursery?"

Her head bobs against my shoulder. "Yeah, why? You didn't."

"Nope," I say.

"Hmmm. They've been there for a while," she says it so casually that I almost let it slide.

"Did you pull them to the top so I would find them?"

"It's a possibility." She shifts, putting her head in my lap. "Now that you mention it, I vaguely remember doing that this morning."

"Vaguely remember . . ." I repeat slowly.

"Don't seem so surprised. I'm the reason you and Xavier are together," she says with a smile.

"Are you now?"

"Yes. We talked about this last week when I was telling you about Spain--the cake, bringing you to a game, getting sick."

"Wait, but you were really sick."

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