Page 132 of Devil's Doom

Their faces come closer. Woland’s eyes flick to mine for just a second, gold and unreadable. Mokosz pulls him with ease, her laughter quieting as her mouth tilts in a playful smile, and suddenly, I can’t breathe.

She kisses him, and he makes no move to resist.

Chapter forty-four

Revelry

My hands grow numb. My heartbeat slows until it’s a low, uneven thud in my throat, and it’s as if my feet have grown roots. I can’t turn away. I can’t close my eyes. My heart shatters yet it demands I watch this scene with utmost attention. It feels crucial that I remember every detail. Every last second of his betrayal.

My vision is so sharp, so focused, I see the exact moment when he kisses her back, his tail flicking to wrap around her hip. His mouth is slow and ravenous on her full, smiling lips, and his eyes are open, looking right into mine when he draws a pleased moan from her lips.

That moan breaks my stupor. I turn right and start walking, not caring if my friends follow me. My steps are even. I don’t make a sound and I don’t slouch. I walk tall and proud while hurt deeper than I ever felt wells in my chest.

I ache. I suffer. But it doesn’t stop me from moving.

Someone’s fast breath follows me, but I don’t look to see who that is. My face flames with utter humiliation. Fury rises in my chest, choking me, and I grab Woland’s ring and tug. Agony races up my finger, the skin plowed open by the thorns, but I tug harder, until the ring comes off, lubricated with generous trickles of blood.

I fling it into the snow, a red splash over white. With a whispered spell, my finger heals. I can’t do anything about the pain in my heart, but I won’t let Woland hurt me in other ways. Not anymore.

“Jaga, wait!”

Rada’s breathless voice pierces through the worst of my wrath. I stop, letting her catch up. I’ve walked so fast, I left the others well behind, and as I glance at Rada, I spot Lech and Lutowa in the distance, talking quietly, their faces close together, features tense.

The wila catches my hand, her eyes big and scared, a tear frozen in the corner of one. I take a deep breath, pushing my own suffering down.

She is hurt, too. Maybe even more so than I.

“He is a shallow, stupid god, and the way you were created says nothing about you,” I say, my voice too harsh in my anger. I make an effort to soften it. “Rada, please, don’t let him get to you. I know plenty of people who were born from rape or their parents’ stupid decisions, and they turned out to be wonderful people, because the circumstances of their making didn’t define them. They don’t define you, either.”

She takes a shaky breath, closing her eyes. Gods, even hurting and humiliated, Rada is the most beautiful creature in the world. I may hate Strzybog for his careless cruelty, but I have to admit, he truly did what he intended. She is more beautiful than Mokosz, if only because Rada’s face never twists into an expression of loathing and scorn. The wila is too innocent for that.

“Thank you,” she says quietly, her eyes opening just when Lech and Lutowa reach us. “Do you think the goddess hates me now?”

My back crawls with unease as I remember the callous way Mokosz looked at Rada.

“You heard what he said.There is no competition,” I bite out, because Woland’s words still ring in my head.Fucktoy.“She’s probably forgotten you already.”

Lech holds Rada, whispering comforting words in her ear, meanwhile Lutowa hesitates a moment before taking my hand awkwardly, her eyes serious when she looks at me.

“I shouldn’t tell you that, but you’re hurting, and it’s unpleasant to watch. She is vain and thrives on men’s adoration, which he knows. He’s cultivating her, Jaga. That’s all there is. I’m sure he’ll explain it to you when you’re alone, hm? Refrain from judging him until then.”

I hate the way my heart wrenches with hope. Gods, I would give anything to believe her, but I know Woland, and even if he has the most plausible explanation ready for me, I’ll still have trouble trusting him.

This all feels more and more like a horrible tangle, and I don’t know how to cut through the knots to free myself and see clearly. I wish I could be alone for a few days. Lock myself somewhere warm and dark, and just think.

Except, would that help? The source of the entanglement is my own heart, after all. I’d have to cut it out.

“Let’s go see Zlotomira,” Lech says, his lips pressed tight with determination. “Even if it’s busy, she’ll talk to us.”

Lutowa makes a weird face, something between a cringe and an impatient huff, but in the end, she nods.

“Well, at least it will be a distraction,” she mutters, tugging my hand.

“What do you mean?” I ask. “You saw an outing like this already, didn’t you? What do you think will happen at the milk bar?”

She shakes her head, her eyes drawn to a small bakery with fogged up windows. “You’ll see. Keep going, I’ll catch up with you. Just need to get some food.”

She enters the bakery to the sound of tinkling bells. I sigh and trudge after Lech and Rada, longing for my bed, yet hating that Woland has access to it. I’d rather not see him again. Should I just run? He was distressed the last time I did, and it would serve him right.

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