I still fall asleep without trouble, too exhausted to resist anymore. He goes off to make arrangements, and when I wake up in the morning, I’m alone in bed, no sign of Woland in the chamber.
So much for seducing him into telling me more of his goals. Maybe it will be easier tonight, after whatever he’s planned for the day is a success. Hopefully.
When I leave our chamber, the rebel base crackles with thrilled energy. Gone are the sickbeds from the cavern. It’s filled with people standing in groups and talking, dressed warmly for going out. By the door stands Wera with a kobold, and they let out people in small groups. A loose queue forms, and I join it, unsure what’s happening.
Rada finds me soon, and by her side is Lech. Well and alive, his eyes bright, cheeks flushed with excitement, he couldn’t possibly look better. Relief washes over me. Rada looks so happy, constantly shooting him small, fond looks, as if to make sure he’s really here.
“You made it,” I say with a smile, scanning him from head to toes. “I’m so happy you pulled through.”
He nods with a grin. “Nienad says I have you to thank. Apparently, you fed me half his stock of medicine. I owe you my life. You’re a tenacious little healer, aren’t you, darling?”
“I couldn’t stand Rada’s crying,” I say with mock indifference. “So I did everything in my might to get you better. I’m happy it worked.”
His unreserved smile and the endearment make a soft thrill of relief settle in my chest. It’s as if Lech didn’t reject me and we’re back to being friends. It makes me unreasonably happy but also angry at the same time.
Life was easier before I had friends and fell in love. Now, it feels like my mood is dependent on too many variables out of my control. I know that if Lech gets scared of Woland again, he’ll be cruel toward me. And yet, I can’t help but accept his unspoken apology and our renewed friendship.
I’m still starving for something. Even Woland’s frequent words of love haven’t fed this hole deep inside me. And that terrifies me, to an extent. Because the more I feed that hunger, the more I crave, and maybe one day, that craving will control me.
And I’ll do anything in exchange for acceptance.
Like now. I should demand Lech apologizes for the way he spoke to me. I should make him crawl. And yet, I am so happy he treats me like a friend again, that happiness wipes away the past hurt and humiliation.
I don’t have time to figure it out right now, so I push that tangle of emotion down, hiding it deep in my belly where I hold all my anger and pain.
Maybe I will untangle it someday.
Lech’s smile is brilliant and warm, his blue eyes sparkling, and I feel my cheeks heat up with a pleased blush that’s outside my control. Not even Woland looks at me like that, with such a charming mixture of amusement and admiration.
“I’m just glad I woke up for this,” Lech says, putting his arm around Rada’s shoulders while his eyes linger warmly on my face. “It’s the first time I’ll see the rebels going out in force.”
“But not the first time it happened.”
Lutowa stops by my side, squeezing my arm once with both hands. She wears a woolen cloak and a pair of mittens, a woolen cap pulled low on her forehead.
“You’re going out?” I ask, puzzled since she refused to accompany me yesterday.
She bounces on the balls of her feet with a happy smile that shows off the gaps in her teeth.
“Of course! I wouldn’t miss it. The last time we could go out like this was decades ago. So many of us live trapped down here, we sometimes forget what sunlight looks like. People like me, who are shunned above, or known rebels the guards are on the lookout for, have to stick to the tunnels. But today, we’ll be free for one day. I’m so happy you saw Mokosz!”
“So you’re the one who saw her?” Rada asks, bouncing Dar in his sling. “Can you explain again why Mokosz being in Slawa is so significant?”
Lutowa turns to her, her eyes bright with manic energy.
“Because Perun keeps her trapped in Wyraj when he’s there. Mokosz being out means he’s far away. And if he’s away, we can leave these blasted tunnels and have some fun. I hear the master found out Perun’s gone into the mortal world, and whatever he’s doing there keeps him busy. We should have at least a few hours of peace.”
I shake my head, confused. If Mokosz is free to leave Wyraj only rarely, why does she waste that freedom on stalking me? Was it just a coincidence that I saw her?
“Why does he keep her trapped?” I ask.
Lutowa snorts with disdain. “Why do you think? So she doesn’t fuck every handsome bies in the city. Perun is said to accept her dallying, but only if she goes with other gods. Anyway, it’s all just gossip. Wera’s letting people out, which means it’s safe to come out. We’re going to make a statement.”
The playful smile on her face turns vicious, making me uneasy.
“What statement?”
Lutowa laughs under her breath. “Oh, you know. Just reminding the people up there that we’re fighting for their freedom long after they gave up.”