Page 115 of Devil's Doom

A cold shiver crawls down my spine. I check on my mental barrier, strengthening it to make sure he can’t manipulate my mind. “Really? What reason do I have?”

He opens his eyes with a disbelieving laugh. “Jaga, you can’t tell anyone that you’re instrumental to winning their fight. If you did, they’d know instantly that the only reason they keep suffering under Perun’s rule is your obstinacy. Everyone would hate you.”

He shakes his head with a chuckle, and I look away, hugging myself, suddenly cold. He’s right, and I knew it, too, didn’t I? But it’s not that simple. Woland’s followers believe he’s the better choice, but is he, really? I don’t know. The responsibility of making this decision for all of Slawa is crushing. I’d rather it fell to anyone but me.

“Relax,” he says, pulling me closer. “I won’t tell anyone. They will keep loving you, just like yesterday at the party. It was good, wasn’t it? So much better than the miserable life back at your village.”

I sigh into his chest and don’t answer, because I’d have to admit that I’m actually grateful he brought me into Slawa. Yes, it’s dangerous, and yes, the terror of dragons and Perun’s tolls is horrible, but in the end, I love being here. It’s a land of magic and wonders. I can use my powers openly here, and I finally fit in. No one will ever banish me for being magical.

Although, as Woland just pointed out, they could cast me out for other reasons. It would be even worse, I think, than being run out of my village. Back home, I was never fully accepted. But yesterday, I felt for the first time in my life like I fully belonged.

It would be terrifying to lose that.

“Let’s sleep,” Woland murmurs, stroking my hair. “And I can tell you one more secret. The attack is tomorrow. Who knows? Maybe we’ll somehow win without me claiming you. And once we win, we can finally be happy.”

He sighs contentedly, and I do my best to relax, even as my gut squirms with an unpleasant premonition. I have to remind myself I am no Nyja, and I cannot prophesize the future. I only feel this way because I’m so unused to my life being good.

All I know is constant fear and hate, and when things are finally turning for good, I expect fate to slap me hard for daring to be happy.

Woland breathes deeply, his chest rising under my cheek. When his thorns release, he mumbles something incomprehensible but doesn’t wake. I slip out of his arms to get ready. Maybe I won’t contribute my soul to his war efforts, but I will do everything in my might to help his people, who accepted me with so much joy yesterday.

That I can do.

He finds me a few hours later in the forge. Draga trains me in a set of simple evasive maneuvers. As a healer, I won’t take part in combat and will be assigned warriors to watch my back, but I still need to know what to do if a spell or an enemy manages to get through them.

“You weren’t there when I woke up,” Woland says, shooting me an unhappy look. “Come here.”

Draga bows, and I come over, wondering if he wants to punish me. But the devil only takes my face in his palms and kisses me deeply, as if I left him for weeks and not mere hours.

“You were gone,” he repeats, whispering the words against my mouth. “Don’t do that.”

I melt a little, my heart beating fast, a red glow filtering through my skin between my collarbones. Woland kisses me again, and I kiss him back with the fervor of this new, precious love that I finally allow myself to feel.

Yes, I love him. I told him as much. And still, I swallowed a contraceptive potion as soon as I left our bedroom, because I don’t trust him. Not yet. Trust and love do not go hand in hand, not in a relationship as complicated as ours.

“You thought I left you?” I ask, shaking my head with a laugh. “Where would I go?”

“I don’t know. I’m just afraid I’ll lose you again.”

My chest tightens painfully, and I don’t know how to react. All I know is that I’m done telling myself he’s a liar, because why would he lie like that? He holds me closely, his face buried in my hair, breathing me in, and my heart wrenches with joy that’s as intense as pain.

Would it be so wrong to belong to him?

When he pulls back, I am shocked to discover that the red glow under my skin is brighter than ever, bathing my face and stomach, coloring the world around me red. Woland’s eyes flicker to my chest, and his mouth tips in a small, private smile. It’s gone by the time he looks into my eyes.

“Try to sleep before tonight, love.”

I nod even though I know I won’t be able to do that. Especially when Woland goes over to Wera and his other lieutenants, and I know the entire base will soon buzz with preparations for the attack.

And maybe he’s right. Maybe we’ll win. And if not, at least we’ll poison Perun’s tree.

I am too giddy to sleep.

Chapter thirty-nine

Flames

“You have fought valiantly. You have suffered, you have lost, you have pushed through challenges that shouldn’t be required of anyone, and yet, you are still here. And tonight, you shall triumph.”

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