Page 10 of Taming You

“I’m sorry for calling you,” Matt eventually says, breaking the silence. “I didn’t know what to do. You’re the only person I could think of that was close that I knew I could trust unconditionally with him and didn’t have children of their own they’d have to wrangle. I know it wasn’t cool to just expect you to drop everything and show up. I appreciate you. I know I’ve asked a lot of you recently, so whatever you need from me, you’ve got a no-questions-asked favour.”

“I think you owe me a few,” I say with just enough levity in my voice to not sound like a bitch, but seriously enough that he knows I mean it.

He looks at me, making eye contact, and nods. “You’re right. You’ve got a few no-questions-asked favours from me.”

“Okay, well, now that we’ve cleared that up, why don’t you take me to breakfast? I’m starving.”

Matt laughs. “Why am I not surprised?”

I grin. “Because you know I require my daily dose of morning sugar and food to function.”

“Let’s go.”

When we walk into the restaurant, it’s extremely empty. I shouldn’t be surprised, it’s a Monday morning and everyone else is either at work or school. We find a booth in the corner and settle in. While I browse the menu, Matt makes a bottle for Jayden and feeds him. Jayden seems to be beginning to form an attachment to Matt, which is amazing. I know it was one of the things he was most worried about. He takes his bottle from him easily, and Matt tells me he’s been sleeping in longer stints, which has been great for Matt’s sleep, too.

“It must be weird being home all the time with a baby all of a sudden,” I say.

Matt nods while watching Jayden guzzle down his bottle. “It is, but it’s also been kind of amazing. I never planned Jayden, but even just having him for a week, I can say I’m glad he came into my life. I still have so much to figure out and life is crazy now, trying to make a new schedule around his feedings and naps, but it’s so worth it. He smiled at me for the first time the other day, and I swore my heart stopped in my chest.”

Our waitress comes over and takes our order. She can’t seem to look away from Matt feeding Jayden, and I can’t blame her. Matt’s a good-looking guy, always has been. His brown hair is thick and has a slight curl to it that when it grows out a bit, like it has recently, it flops onto his forehead. He’s let his beard grow out more than I’ve ever seen him do before, and something about it sends tingles through me.

I mentally slap myself. Matt’s always been forbidden fruit. I can window shop with Matt. I can stare at him from afar and acknowledge it would probably be amazing to go for a roll in the sheets with him. He’s probably picked up some techniques over the years. But I also know I do relationships. I don’t do one-night stands, and I don’t do casual. Matt is very much the opposite. So, to prevent any issues, I’ll watch and never touch.

“He looks just like you,” the waitress says to Matt as she puts a cup of coffee in front of him.

Matt looks up at that. “Thanks,” he says.

When she leaves, I ask, “So, how long have you been coaching this kids’ team?”

His eyes flicker to me then back to the bottle. Seeing Jayden’s finished, he puts the bottle on the table and moves to burp Jayden. He does it all in silence, as if he’s taking his time to answer the question.

“I started my first year back from Harvard. I felt like I was missing something. Especially with Gi being in San Fran for school and Liv was living her own life, and I had moved out of my parents’ house. I found a posting looking for a coach for a kids’ team, and I sent them an email. The dad had heard of me from my time in high school and even looked up some of my university games. They said they’d love to have me, and I’ve stuck it out since. It’s been amazing watching the growth of the kids. I’m not coaching the same team I started with. I started with these kids about two years ago.”

I run my finger over the lip of my cup of orange juice. “You looked like a natural out there with the kids. You really took the time to have little one-on-ones with some of them and listen to them. It only goes to show how great of a dad you’ll be. And just wait, one day you’ll be out there coaching Jayden’s team, and maybe he’ll follow in daddy’s footsteps and play hockey for many years to come.”

Matt clears his throat and readjusts himself, looking anywhere but my face.

“What’s wrong?” I ask.

“Nothing,” he says as he pulls at the collar of his shirt. He settles Jayden in his car seat and takes a long sip of his coffee. “Enough about me, Zo. How are you? How is it adjusting to being done with school?”

It’s my turn to take my time answering the question, because I’m not entirely sure how I feel except lost. I’m still not sure what I’m going to do. I’ve passed my bar exam, and I’m an officially licensed lawyer and could apply to a ton of firms, but the thought of doing that day in and day out doesn’t bring me the joy I hoped it would. The most content I’ve felt in the last few months was being at Matt’s with Jayden. Something about helping someone who desperately needed help brought me joy.

“I’m not exactly looking forward to moving in with Henry again, but it is what it is,” I say, and Matt raises a brow. Over the last year, he’s begun to do that when he can tell I’m holding something back from him.

“Zo, you know you can tell me, right? I won’t tell anyone, not even Liv.”

I know he’s telling the truth. Matt has always been a vault for his sisters’ secrets, and he’s kept a few of mine, too. I really need to talk about this because I’m just out here floating in the open ocean with no land on the horizon.

“I’m not sure I want to be a lawyer,” I finally say.

He settles back in the booth. “Okay. Wow. I was not expecting that. You know you don’t have to be one if you don’t want to, right? It’s your life to do with as you please.”

I run a finger through the condensation on my glass. “I feel like by not being one, I’m letting my family down. My brothers did so much to make sure I could get into a good university and succeed in life. By not using the degree they worked so hard to make sure I could get feels like a slap in the face to them, like I’m not grateful. I watched them work all those jobs to make sure we had food at home and the bills were paid. They helped me with my homework and were always there when I needed them.” I wipe at an errant tear that slips through my barriers. “I couldn’t stomach letting them all down, Matt.”

Matt reaches across the table and takes my hand, and I take a deep breath. “Oh, Zo, you need to know you’d never be letting your brothers down. As an older brother, I can tell you that all I want for both my sisters is for them to be happy and live the life they want. I don’t want them changing or doing anything to fit what they think I expect of them. I know it’s not entirely the same, your childhood was very different from mine, but I do know your brothers love you dearly.” He squeezes my hand, and I offer him a weak smile.

“Thanks, Matt.”

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