Page 93 of The White King's Favorite

“Ashen?”

“Not today, my princess,” he muttered.

“B-But...”

“Trust me, it’s not that I don’t want to,” he said to reassure her, caressing her skin once more. “It’s just... I love you, Cessilia. I love you like I don’t think I’ll ever be able to love anyone in this life. I want to treat you like what you are, the most important and precious person in my life.”

“I’m n-not th-that fragile,” she retorted.

“I know, Cessi,” he chuckled, “but you’re probably still injured and not fully recovered from last night, and... and frankly speaking, I don’t think I would be able to be gentle with you if we had sex now. I just... want to wait until it’s perfect, alright?”

However, Cessilia wasn’t happy with that response. She pushed him away from her cheek with the back of her hand, a bit annoyed, glaring at him with her fierce green eyes.

“You d-don’t want to have s-sex with m-me b-but you t-told me about all th-those many other women you s-slept with already. I hate b-being the only one you c-can’t have sex with! I’m not a g-girl anymore, and I am f-fine! D-do I have t-to be the only one t-to wait?”

Ashen sighed, shaking his head.

“I’m the only one who deserves to wait,” he said. “I wouldn’t think twice about sleeping with another woman because, as cold-hearted as that makes me, I don’t care about them. I don’t care about them as I do about you, and that’s exactly why I just... I can’t bring myself to do it with you. I don’t want to just have sex with you, Cessilia, I want to properly make love to you. It is not the same thing. You’re the only woman I want to make love to.”

“B-but...”

“Cessi.”

He smiled, and gently brought her hand to his lips. One by one, he softly kissed each of her fingers, making Cessilia’s stomach tickle and her cheeks blush again. How could he do this, when he wasn’t going to make love to her? She wasn’t sure how to feel about this. It was true her body hadn’t fully recuperated from the events of the previous night, but it didn’t make much of a difference in her desire for Ashen. She was a virgin, but she knew how sex was supposed to happen, her mother and aunt had both educated her on that as soon as she had become a woman.

“...I love you,” he muttered.

Cessilia felt her heart melting. Not only at his words but at the way those dark onyx eyes seized her soul, making her feel so awfully confident in his feelings. She had experienced all sorts of things since she had come to his Kingdom, but her target, her main objective, had always been Ashen’s heart. Now that he was giving it to her, she felt so awfully shy! Cessilia felt like she was thrown back into the past, into that enamored thirteen-year-old girl who thought she knew it all about love and what she wanted. She felt torn apart.

“It’s not only that,” he added in a whisper. “Last night was... a lot, for the two of us.”

His eyes went down to her throat, and Cessilia covered it right away with her hand, remembering her exposed scar. However, Ashen gently took her hand away, to stare at it more.

“I... I don’t deserve you, right now,” he muttered.

“Ashen! Ashen, th-that’s not–”

“I know,” he said, “but it is still... I was unfair to you, Cessi. At least... Let me properly apologize to you first. Don’t let me be more of a dirtbag than I already am by forgiving me too fast. I know I was wrong, and... I want to earn back your trust, and my own.”

Just as he said those words, Cessilia felt something leave her heart. It felt as if it flew off, and... freed something inside. She let out a faint sigh, calming down from her previous anger all at once. Ashen wasn’t rejecting her. In fact, he wanted to make things right instead... to repair what had been so badly broken between them. She lowered her head. She was really a bit too impatient when it came to him, wasn’t she? She suddenly remembered how her father was, with her mom. Her grandmother had talked about this too. How dragons were possessive creatures... Cessilia slowly nodded, more for herself than for Ashen.

“I... und-derstand,” she muttered.

“Thank you.”

He said that with a smile, and gently kissed her hand again. Sitting opposite each other like this on the bed, Cessilia found herself a bit shy, even more so when she remembered she was only wearing one of Ashen’s tunics... She pulled the blanket over her legs a little, feeling embarrassed all of a sudden.

“...Cessilia, I’m also worried about what will happen once... I make my interest, no, my feelings toward you clear.”

She looked up at him again, feeling his serious tone all of a sudden. Ashen was still holding her hand, but his eyes had gone a bit darker, and he seemed determined.

“Those people will stop at nothing to get me to do what they want. Last night’s murder attempt is only a sample of what they could do. I tried to avoid putting you in their sight, but...”

“Is th-that why you never t-tried to t-talk to me in p-public?”

“...That was one of the reasons, yes,” he nodded. “Those lords all want me to do what will serve their tribe better. I know some are rather inoffensive like the niece of Counselor Yamino you’re always with, but some won’t hesitate to murder their rivals to become my Queen.”

“You th-think I would let anyone else b-become your Q-Queen?” Cessilia angrily asked.

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