Page 48 of The White King's Favorite

“Ashen...” she repeated again, about to step forward.

“Don’t call me like that.”

His cold answer stopped her in her tracks, and she froze, feeling the tension and anger in his voice. He was really glaring at her this time, his lips pinched with a disdainful expression.

“Don’t call me that,” he repeated. “What are you doing here, Cessilia? Why did you come all the way here?”

His question came like a hammer, echoing in the room like heavy accusations of a crime. She tried to take a deep breath in and answer him calmly.

“T-to see you.”

“Don’t you lie to me. You made it clear you didn’t want to see me anymore when our paths diverged, didn’t you? Or should I remind you what happened that night?”

Cessilia felt a blow to her heart and the pain of that memory. She knew why he was angry, and she knew he was right to be. It didn’t change her feelings though.

Ashen averted his eyes, staring outside instead as if he couldn’t bear to look at her anymore.

“Why did you come here? Does your father know?”

“Yes...”

“Ha,” he scoffed bitterly, “I should have known. Why the hell did he send you now, Cessilia? What does he want? To keep me in check, after what he did to me? Is he afraid I’m going to attack your Empire again? Is that what it is? He sent you here to taunt me?”

“N-no!” shouted Cessilia, panicked to hear him speculate so fast. “N-no, Ashen, I swear, th-that’s not what it is.”

“Don’t lie, Cessilia, not to me. Why would you have come with his dragon, then? Why Krai? ...Where is Cece?”

She stepped back as if he had hit her. His accusing look wasn’t enough to scare her, but it was painful. Yet, not as painful as that name. She slowly shook her head.

“She d-didn’t c-come...” she painfully muttered, short of breath.

She couldn’t even utter that name. She hadn’t heard it in a long time, and she hadn’t pronounced it at all for even longer... Each time, she didn’t want to remember it, to go through that pain again. Her heart was beating so fast, wreaking havoc in her chest and making her feel a bit dizzy. Cessilia helplessly shook her head. She mentally cursed her stuttering that kept her from explaining to him, from telling him the truth, that she had only come here for him, and with her dad’s blessing. Not to wage war at all, but instead, see if there was still a bond between them... that bond that had been broken a long time ago.

“Ashen, I p-promise, I d-didn’t–”

“Stop doing that!” he yelled.

“W-what?”

“That thing, with your voice. Are you trying to make me feel pity for you? What the hell is wrong with your voice, it wasn’t like that before... No, I don’t want to know, I don’t want to hear it.”

“Ashen!” she shouted, frustrated.

It was getting a bit harder to breathe, and she felt like crying. This wasn’t going the way she had hoped at all... He was wary of her, and she knew it would happen, but she could barely talk. She couldn’t stop stuttering enough to explain herself, and the more nervous and frustrated she got, the worse it would be.

He sighed, visibly calming down, and a little light of hope appeared in her heart. If he could just listen to her a bit... But Ashen slowly shook his head, brushing his white hair back with a tired expression.

“Enough, Cessilia. You should... You should go home. I don’t think I can handle you being here anymore. Please, just... go.”

He turned around, to avoid looking at her, directing his steps toward the door.

Everything was happening so fast in her head. She had to do something to stop him. She didn’t want to go home; not now, not today, not so soon. She still had so much to explain to him, and she didn’t want to go back to before. She couldn’t stand the idea of losing him again. Not this time. She had promised herself so many times, dreamed a thousand times of when they’d see each other again. Sometimes it felt like a fleeting dream that would never happen, and sometimes, it felt like she just had to cross that border between their countries. She had thought him to be dead, so many times too. Back then, all she could think of was that she’d be satisfied if he was alive and well. Now that he was here, and alive, she knew she had lied to herself; this much just wasn’t enough.

She stepped forward, fighting that knot in her throat with all of her strength, to get out those words. Something, anything to hold him back. It wasn’t coming. It was stuck in her tight throat and in her twitching lips, her mouth numb. She wanted to cry and shout in frustration, but even that felt cruelly hard. He reached the doors, his back about to disappear. Then, something broke in her, snapped in two by all the distress she was going through.

“D-don’t you love me anymore?” she asked, almost a cry.

Ashen froze with one hand on the handle. The door wasn’t opened yet, he was just about to push it. A voice called from outside the bedroom, something unintelligible Cessilia couldn’t understand, but that made him close the door again.

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