Page 33 of Them Bones

“I don’t know what you mean,” Shane muttered.

“Yes. You do. I’d guess you’re up half o’ every night convincin’ yourself not to crawl into that girl’s bed, and the other half convincin’ yourself not to smother Cary in his sleep. Fuck or fight, boy. I see you strugglin’, an’ I see you losin’.”

Shane bent his knees so that his feet were flat on the floor, and rolled himself backward and forwards on the creeper he’d made so he could slide more easily under the vehicles.

“I got an extra room, here. An’ I think you should come an’ stay with me.”

“I can’t leave Laney alone with him, Jerry. You don’t understand. It’s not just about – about me. The way he is with her… it’s like he’s…” Shane couldn’t articulate it, couldn’t form the words. He just knew it wasn’t right. “I can’t. I can’t leave her there.”

“You won’ be leaving her there. You’ll be givin’ yourself some space, givin’ Cary some space. I don’ think there’s much I can do at this point to keep you from drownin’ in that girl. But I can save you from prison. I can save you from killing someone.”

“He deserves it,” Shane bit out.

“Nobody deserves that,” Jerry said calmly. “But… I know what you feelin’.”

“YOU DON’T KNOW!” Shane shouted, launching to his feet. “YOU HAVE NO IDEA! I haven’t been able to speak to her alone sinceHalloween.He’s there, around her, on her, every fucking second of every fucking day! Six weeks and he hasn’tonce stopped watching me!Six weeksJerry, and he may as well have Laney perched on hisfuckinglap. It makes mesick.And Laney isnot okay.Do you get that? Whatever bullshit you’re about to tell me about her being fine,she’s not.”

His chest was heaving.

Jerry pulled up a stool and plunked his old ass down.

“Shane… who do you think bought Cary his shop, huh?” Shane blinked at him. “Cary bought that house four, maybe five years ago. But I helped him buy his other place in '95. Helped him fix up that apartment, so he had somewhere else to be.”

Shane opened his mouth but Jerry held up a hand to let him keep speaking.

“When she was little, Cary loved her. An’ it gave me hope for him, y’know? Cary never loved nothin’ or nobody, even when he was tiny. God made him with a giant hole in his heart. But then Laney come along and I never seen him look at anyone the way he look at her.” He scratched his beard again. “But there’s a cruelness in him. And as she got older…” Jerry’s face hardened. “There’s things you don’ understand that aren’t none of your damn business. But Laney… she’s your business, that’s clear enough. Only you can’t see straight, right now. You need a break, kid.”

“You’re right. I shouldn’t be there, anymore,” he replied, deflating like a balloon, his voice quiet.

Jerry’s brow knitted together. “I think I done you a disservice,” he said slowly. “I’m no good at this shit. At talkin’. I’m giving you the wrong idea…” He sighed. “You don’ need to be leavin’ her, youjust need space.The three of ya been takin’ damn good care of each other. You just… fit. Anyone can see it. Before Cary came home, an’ even after. But Cary is a hard man. It plain as day to me that Laney,andDusty, want you around. But you needa play it smart. Let Cary get used to ya.”

“Did you know I hit her?” Shane blurted.

To his surprise, Jerry replied “Yes.” More puffs. “I asked Laney about it when I first saw ya. All of a sudden her face was busted up and you was hangin’ around outta nowhere. I needed ‘a make sure she wasn’t gettin’ herself into trouble.” He looked thoughtful. “She said you swung blind. Somethin’ about her comin’ up behind you in the dark and announcing herself as a cop.” He chuckled.

“The first time I met her, I gave her a black eye. I fall asleep every night to the fantasy of beating her brother’s face into a paste. And Halloween…” Shane swallowed. “If Cary hadn’t shown up,I wouldn’t have stopped, Jerry.”

Jerry cocked an eyebrow, and Shane let the shame pour out of him.

“I’d have gone as far as she’d have let me, and then I’d havebeggedher for more. What kind of guy does that make me, huh? She’s just a kid!” He put his head in his hands. “I’m afraid to leave her but I… I shouldn’t be the one looking out for her. I’m not…” he struggled to find the right word “…good.”

“Fuck me,” Jerry grumbled, rubbing his eyes. “I didn’t know you was tearin’ yourself up about how you been feelin’, I thought ya were just worryin’ about getting’ your face kicked in for touchin’ her. But you don’ need to be embarrassed about it, boy. She ain’t a kid. Not really. Not anymore. An’ I think you might be the best thing to happen to that girl in a long while.” His brows pulled together. “But… Well fuck, wasn’t expecting to give a damned sex talk today, buthere we go…Waitin’ never hurt nobody. Okay? Jus’ cause you like her don’ mean you need to… you know…” Jerry coughed.

“Are you about to tell me about the merits of abstinence until marriage? Because I have a pamphlet.”

“All I been tryin’ to do is get you toslow down. Lord knows I wish someone had told me to, when I was your age.”

Shane’s mouth twitched. “We’ve barely spoken in six weeks. How much slower can we go.”

“You need to find a way to take the intensity down a notch, boy. That’s why I want you here. Get some perspective, get your head on straight, and then go back and find a way to make things work with Cary. Find a way to be her friend, figure out the rest later. Stop telling yourself it’s a bad thing to want her, stop making her forbidden fruit, you’re just amping yourself up even more. Just tell yourself… not yet. Let Cary get used to you. Stop seein’ you as a threat.”

“Not yet…” he repeated, testing out the words.

Not yet.

The next morning he found himself in the front entrance of the high school, rank with the scent of athletic equipment and teenaged BO, frantically scanning the crowd.

A few girls sitting in a sunken pit to the right of the doorway were openly staring at him, giggling and blushing.

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