Page 8 of Daddy Down Under

He nodded at my crotch. “You may want to grab a blanket or something, or you’ll get arrested for indecent exposure.”

Yeah, no kidding. That prim, matronly flight attendant would have a coronary if she saw me like this. But alas, I hadn’t been given a blanket and had nothing else to cover myself with. Unless…

With a sigh, I resigned myself to the inevitable. I hated not wearing my suit jacket. Walking around in my dress shirt made me feel exposed, vulnerable, as if I wasn’t wearing any armor. But I had no other options here, so I shrugged off my jacket—no easy feat on an ascending plane while wearing a seatbelt—and draped it across my lap.

When our eyes met again, Ocean winked at me. He had such confidence for someone his age. Then again, his father had been damn cocky that young as well.

“You’d better make good on your promise at some point,” I said, but we both knew that was an empty threat.

“If you’re good for me, there will be a reward.”

Good for him? What, like I was a child? My brows drew together in confusion. “What’s that supposed to mean?

“Either you’ll figure it out, or you’ll find out.”

What the hell? That sounded like…like a promise, a guarantee. As if Ocean knew something I didn’t, though what, I had no clue. What was up with this guy? He wasn’t behaving like I’d expected at all. Considering our age gap and the difference in experience that brought, I should’ve had the upper hand. It shouldn’t have been a question of who was in charge, yet somehow, it wasn’t me. How had that happened? And more importantly, how did I flip our roles and take charge again?

I’d been confident at his age too, but mostly in business matters. Sure, I’d known how to score a hookup, but those had been on equal terms. Well, most of them. There had been Victor, of course. But I had pretty much ctr-alt-deleted the time with him from my brain. He’d been a costly mistake, one I was still paying for in some ways.

Victor had intrigued me with his quiet, calm demeanor, his unflappable control. I’d wanted to be like him—but I’d also wanted to let him take the lead, which had been the problem. Preston had immediately spotted the weakness in me, the side Victor had awoken, and he’d exploited it to his advantage. And Victor, the man I had loved and had believed to be in love with me, had believed Preston’s word over mine.

No matter what Preston had done to break Victor and me up, he’d been right that giving up control was dangerous and a weakness that could cost me. And so I had walked away from the mess with Victor—and from Preston, when I found out what he’d done—and had never let that side of me rear its head ever again. Until now.

Ocean had that same effect on me, and it was equal parts exhilarating and terrifying. Memories I had thought buried forever popped back into my brain. How good those games with Victor had felt. How intense those months with him had been, yet I’d never been happier or more in balance. Embarrassment had been mixed in with mental peace, humiliation with gratification that far surpassed the physical.

When Victor ended things abruptly after believing the lies Preston told him, all that had ceased. There’d been an empty spot inside me since, this deep, dark hole no one had managed to fill. And lord knew I’d tried. None of the hookups had ever managed to touch that part of me, no matter how attractive the men had been.

But maybe that was because I’d been damn careful to never pick a man like Victor again. My sexual partners were usually younger than me, content to let me take the lead.

Until Ocean.

My heart raced, desire and apprehension warring within me. Ocean was intoxicating—his scent, his touch, the way he seemed to see through my carefully constructed facade. But the ghost of Preston’s betrayal loomed large, a stark reminder of the pain that came with letting someone in.

The seatbelt-off sign dinged, and I unbuckled immediately. “I need to use the lavatory,” I told Ocean, and holding my suit jacket in front of me, I fled into the aircraft’s cramped restroom.

I stared at myself in the mirror. My cheeks were flushed, my eyes a tad glassy and wild. My usual poker face was gone, and if Ocean saw me now, he’d have no trouble reading the emotions off my face.

My heart beat fast, the pulse of being alive pumping through me. I felt as if I’d woken from a long slumber. Everything seemed brighter, more vibrant, colorful, and intense, even this stupid lavatory. My body tingled with the raw energy blazing through me. What was going on?

I took one last look at myself, then closed my eyes. I couldn’t do this. Fifteen years ago, it had damn near destroyed me, and I might not survive a second time. No, whatever game Ocean was playing with me, I had to disengage.

A strange feeling came over me as I unbuckled my belt, unzipped, and took myself out. Almost like guilt, as if I were doing something I wasn’t supposed to, something forbidden. Was it because I was disappointing Ocean? But how could I be disappointing a man I had just met, a guy I owed absolutely nothing, who was twenty years my junior?

None of it made sense, yet that simple sentence he’d spoken kept playing in my head like an old-fashioned record that had gotten stuck. “If you’re good for me, there will be a reward.”

What had he meant by that? What had he been hinting at? And most importantly, why did it feel so wrong to jack myself off, something I’d been doing since I was twelve, and never with any modicum of shame? Yet here I stood, forty-four years old, hesitating over something I shouldn’t even spare a second thought.

But deep inside me, something had stirred, something I had managed to keep dormant for so long that I thought I’d wiped it from my system once and for all. How I had fooled myself. With that one little sentence, Ocean had awakened the part of me that wanted to be good, that craved to be praised and rewarded.

He’d awakened my submissive side.

I was so fucked.

CHAPTER FOUR

In which I’m frustrated because I still don’t understand the game we’re playing…and then Ocean surprises me with yet another move.

My existential crisisin the lavatory had at least one positive effect: my erection was gone. That solved my immediate problem, but the bigger issue still loomed. What the fuck was I going to do with Ocean?

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