Page 53 of Daddy Down Under

He met my gaze then, and his vulnerability made my chest ache. “No one did. I kept it quiet. I wanted him out of my life, and so I walked away. Like I told you before, I had some savings, so I wasn’t destitute or anything, but emotionally, it was hard.”

“I’m so sorry,” I said, the words feeling inadequate but necessary. “No one should have to go through that, especially not with their own father.”

Ocean’s eyes met mine. “No. And that was the last time I saw him. I called a friend, who picked me up and took me to the ER to get treatment, then let me stay with him. I dropped out of college and disappeared from Preston’s life. My last name is the only thing that still links me to him.”

I let it all sink in, shifting through the storm of emotions inside me. An intense fury over what Preston had done to his own son, abusing him emotionally and physically. A deep sadness that Ocean had missed out on love from both his parents. Oh, Marcia had loved him, but she’d been a shadow of her former self and not the mother he’d needed or deserved. There was shame all over again, that Preston had used my deepest humiliation to hurt his son.

But beneath it all was still a sense of betrayal. “But you knew. All this time, you knew about that part of me.”

The realization sent a wave of hurt through me. Every interaction, every flirtation with Ocean now felt tainted, manipulated. Had it all been a game to him? A way to exploit my hidden desires. “Was that your plan all along? To use that knowledge to… To what? Seduce me? Play me? See how far you could take it with me?”

Ocean’s face fell, genuine hurt flashing in his eyes. “No, Cash, it wasn’t like that. I swear.”

But the floodgates had opened, and I couldn’t stop the torrent of emotions. “Do you have any idea what it’s like? To have your most private, vulnerable moments exposed like that? To have someone you trusted betray you so completely?”

Ocean took a step toward me, his hands raised in a placating gesture. “I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you or betray your trust, and I know I did. You’re right. I should’ve told you from the beginning. I was wrong to keep it from you, and I’m truly sorry for that. But I was scared, Cash. Scared of losing you before I even had a chance.”

His words hung in the air, heavy with emotion. My anger ebbed, replaced by a confusing mix of hurt and curiosity. “What do you mean?”

Ocean’s eyes met mine, vulnerable and open. “I’m not a trained Dom. I once played around a bit with a boyfriend who liked how bossy I was, but it didn’t go beyond safewords, some spankings, and very mild D/s play. But from the moment I met you on that plane, I felt this connection. Something rare and precious. I was terrified that if I told you what I knew, you’d shut me out completely. That I’d lose any chance of getting to know the real you. I didn’t know the details of what had happened between you and Victor, but when we met, I quickly realized you weren’t out as a sub, that you kept that part of yourself hidden. Even suppressed.”

I mulled over his words, feeling the conflict raging inside me. Part of me understood his fear, could even relate to it. But another part still felt violated, exposed. “So you decided to, what? Pretend you didn’t know?”

Ocean nodded, looking ashamed. “I thought if I could get you to open up to me naturally, to trust me, maybe then I could tell you. It was wrong, Cash. I should’ve been honest from the start, but once I realized you were running from your submissive side, I feared that if I told you, you’d send me packing.”

I would have. As much as I wanted to be angry with Ocean for deceiving me and not telling me the truth, he was right that if he’d told me, I would’ve ended things immediately. I wouldn’t have been able to deal with the shame of him knowing that side of me right off the bat. “You’re right. I would have.”

He bit his lip. “I couldn’t lose you. Not then, not now. I wanted to explore what was happening between us.”

I swallowed. “And what is happening between us? This was a temporary thing, wasn’t it? A four-week fling?”

“Is that what you want?”

“Is that what you want?” I fired back, unwilling to bare my soul first. He’d fucked up. He damn well owed me that much.

He took my hand, his eyes soft pools of blue. “No, that’s not what I want. What I feel for you, it’s real. It’s not about the physical attraction or the thrill of the chase. You’ve crashed into my life like the perfect wave, and I’m not ready to let you recede.”

I chuckled at his water metaphor, even as I felt a lump forming in my throat. “You certainly have a way with words, don’t you?”

Ocean grinned, his usual charm peeking through. “Hey, when you love the ocean as much as I do, it becomes part of you.” Then he grew serious again. “But I meant every word, Cash. I don’t have words yet for what I feel, but I’m feeling a lot, and I want to see where this could go.”

My hands were shaky as I answered him. “Me too.”

“Yeah? You’re feeling it too?”

I’d been hurt too deeply in the past to jump in, not even with Ocean. “I’m not promising anything long-term yet. But like you, I want to see where this current takes us.”

CHAPTER NINETEEN

In which Ocean asks me to top him but shows he’s still in charge. As if I had expected anything else by now.

The weightof our conversation hung heavy in the air between Ocean and me, yet I felt oddly lighter having shared the painful details of my past. At the same time, my insides were raw and exposed, like a bandage had been brutally ripped off. Maybe this was what healing looked like?

Ocean’s hand found mine, his touch anchoring me to the present. Even in the dim light, he was breathtaking. “I’m glad you feel the same way about us.”

“Please don’t hurt me,” I whispered. “I’m not as strong as I seem.”

He cupped my cheek and leaned in for a soft, lingering kiss. “I know.”

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