Page 145 of If Our Hearts Collide

“I thought this was an open house at a fun dance club. I was handed a card at a dating mixer event in the city, so I thought this would be a fun way to step outside my comfort zone and meet new people.”

I watch as his face changes form but gives nothing away. I swear every time I mention open house I get the most bizarre responses. “Obviously I stumbled into a porn dungeon instead.”

Yuri runs a hand down the side of his neck and then slides it up to scratch at his chin. “Porn dungeon?”

Shit. Why did I say that out loud? My mouth needs a muzzle. It’s as if this place completely dissolved my filter. “Sorry. That wasn’t what I meant.”

“It sounds like I need to change the description on our member portal. Porn dungeon is pretty catchy.”

I laugh and then sigh in relief that the owner seems nonthreatening.

“Has Daphne been treating you well,”—he looks around to find her—“when she doesn’t have her mouth full?”

“Very well.”

I have a hopeful monogamous heart, so seeing people enjoy more than just one partner causes me to be twitchy, but that’s probably just because I haven’t been exposed to anything outside of the movies I find on QuickFlix. Oh, and Hallmark. Call me crazy, but the thought of pleasing more than one person at any given time just seems?—

Excessive?

Or perhaps, too overachiever-ish.

I can barely manage my own mood, let alone the moods of multiple partners.

But by the look of the patrons filling up the floor, I think the value of fun trumps any sort of committed relationship. That’s the appeal this place has for me. I can come here and have the freedom to be anyone I want to be. If I want to be shy, I can be shy. If I want to be outgoing, then that is fine too. There are no expectations—other than to keep it safe, sane, and consensual.

“Yeah,” I whisper, realizing that I’ve been silent for a while and should fill the space with some comment. “Daphne was giving me the grand tour until she got?—”

Yuri laughs. “Sidetracked.”

“Yup.” Does Michael not care that his pet is with other guys? I think about it while I look at other groups of people gathering around us. Hmm…he might actually enjoy the thrill.

Yuri places an arm around my back, sending shocks of warmth up my spine. I’m thankful that his touch seems nonthreatening and kind—protective. But why is every little caress of his hand causing me such a stimulating response? Maybe I should have done some self-care prior to coming here,so I’m less charged and ready to ignite at the first graze of a hand or brush of a body.

I’ve never been this on edge. While it’s fun for me to have these moments where I’m moving past the toxic pain of my past, it’s also alarming that I could potentially put myself out there too much and in return be in a state of vulnerability that makes me easy prey.

Sure, everyone is vetted here. Well, except any of the newbies like me.

What if someone wants to take advantage of me here, just because I am so inexperienced?

Uninvited, the apathetic side of my subconscious suddenly chastises me with a myriad of scenes, flashing in a montage through my mind as a reminder of all of the hours of therapy I needed at Soulful Mind.

Trusting the wrong people…

Putting myself into scenarios where I had the potential to be hurt…

Allowing Mark to convince me he was a good guy…

And ending up in a therapy center, alone and detached from reality.

Will I ever learn to trust anyone again? Can the walls I’ve protectively built around myself be chiseled away?

Or will I allow any man who doesn’t make me repulsed at the feel of his hand into my life?

I guess I should be thankful that I’m not freaked out more while being here. But will my inability to see people for who they really are make me an easy victim?

“I can tell you’re nervous about being here, Penny. But I assure you this is a safe space for personal growth. Members have been vetted, background checked, and have signed NDAs. Whatever happens here, stays here, just as I hope Daphne has told you upon entry. You are free to explore your boundarieswith the safety net of having staff blending into the crowd to oversee and make sure that everyone is complying with the rules.”

I nod. I can do this. For one night, I can be normal and let down my guard enough for me to free myself of the personal responsibility of keeping men at arm’s length.

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