Page 90 of If Our Hearts Collide

“Got it.”

After Margo and I say goodbye, I head out of the building and decide to go for a walk at the river. At least I’m not too lateto enjoy the sunset on the water. Picking up food from the food truck that waits in the same place every single day, I enjoy my Mediterranean rice bowl.

I have what I want—independence.

And yet I am consumed with a fierce loneliness.

I miss Collins.

17

PENNY

I nearly dump an entire marshmallow-flavored cappuccino all over myself on the way into Hoffman Headquarters. It probably doesn’t help that I’m also juggling my box of desk essentials that I picked up on the way here. And by essentials, I mean anything random that caught my attention. Plus, I included all the normal items like a desk calendar with motivational messages, a bedazzled gemstone stapler, and a little heart-shaped picture frame with a photo of my family inside.

My job wasn’t supposed to officially start yet, but after giving it more thought, Claire and Angie wanted to transition me into the office. Having my own desk was unexpected since I expected to mostly be modeling.

I’m honestly thrilled to have something to focus on other than overanalyzing my forward progress with therapy and all the backsteps I have taken. Despite just starting it recently with Margo, I already feel overwhelmed with the case of what-ifs that I doubt even she can control.

What if I’m not fully healed?

What if I get sent back to the center?

What if I’ll never get over my past?

What if there doesn’t exist a guy who will understand that I’m a product of my trauma?

But I am here. I got out of bed this morning and ate a non-sugary breakfast and made the choice to not be afraid of my own shadow—at least not today.

Today is full of new possibilities. And being here feels good.

It feelsright.

I even got through security and check-in without an obvious escort paving the path. It feels invigorating to finally have some independence and do something on my own. Maybe Collins took the hint, or better yet, got reassigned.

One can only hope.

That man has the charisma of a hungry lion. And yet, I think I would miss his looming presence. He’s different from all my other guards in the past. He’s smarter than they are and more thorough, which is probably why I find it so odd that he isn’t here now lurking in the shadows.

I glance around the space. Or perhaps he is and is just really good at hiding.

Regardless, I feel empowered and ready to take on new challenges—no matter who is or isn’t watching it live.

I don’t need a babysitter anyway, and having a watchdog here will only make it feel like I got this job because I’m family or because it would be way easier to keep an eye on me in my brother’s building than if I were to work elsewhere.

But I can’t get inside my head. I need to walk with purpose and with poise.

Just like a model…

There’s no space for self-doubt in my life today, at least not when I’m on a high from the unexpected need for me to be here in the office.

But maybe a little self-guided pep talk could do me some good, like it has in the past.

I can do great things.

I can be an asset to this company.

I can prove to the world that I can triumph even in the face of adversity.

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