Page 86 of If Our Hearts Collide

Scribbling my signature, I mumble, “Thanks.”

I wait for her to leave before tearing open the envelope. Pulling out the card inside, it has one word written on it—One.

Weird.

What was the point of going through the trouble of delivering something so uneventful?

I didn’t even think anyone knew I lived here yet.

Looking closer at the envelope, it has my name on it, along with my new address.

Knowing that most people get more junk mail than real mail, I place it into a bin in the kitchen that I’ll start designating for the shred pile.

And then I take the card out and decide to use the back of it to make a shopping and to-do list.

As I brainstorm about the things I still have to do, I remember my other responsibility—maintaining my outpatient therapy sessions.

When I left Soulful Mind, I promised my brothers I would take part in a program. Basically it was a stipulation for being released from the facility.

I don’t want to do it.

Talking about my feelings is not something I particularly enjoy. My counselor’s favorite phrase is—How does that make you feel?

At the time, when I was first brought into the facility, I wasn’t sure how to feel. So many months were spent with Mark on the loose—terrorizing my family members. He haunted my nightmares and still does.

But now he’s in prison. While that is amazing, as long as he takes a breath, I know that he can still have an influence on me. He knows he still has one over me, too, and said as much when I visited him.

I should have never gone to the prison.

I hate him more than anyone else on this planet.

So, how will therapy fix any of these growing feelings of anger? Answering the question—how does that make you feel—is lame.

Like, how would anyone feel after being drugged, their memories being foggy and incoherent, and then to have their predator gloat from behind bars?

My brothers claim I won’t need to testify at trial. But how will Mark Tanner’s body stay behind bars without my testimony? Or Angie’s?

Angie might be strong enough to endure the cross-examination, but I know I won’t. And with her being married to Graham, who has special connections to the whole takedown operation, she won’t need to confess anything.

And Graham won’t allow it anyway.

He says he won’t allow me on the stand either…

But what if he’s wrong? He may think he has control, but I’ve seen too many criminals get released when all the evidence led straight to them.

Mark Tanner’s release will not be the plot twist in this story.

Hell no.

So the lawyer team is right. They need me.

Unfortunately, I could jack this whole thing up. I know I’ll cave at the first sign of tension. I’ll spiral out of control mentally if I’m forced to try to relive the nightmare.

But I’ll only be reliving what the pieces of the puzzle allude to—because I can’t remember much from the horrible night.

And maybe that’s why my brain is protecting me by not remembering.

Maybe recalling the horror will cause me to slip right back into the hellhole that got me sent to a therapy facility in the first place.

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