Page 76 of If Our Hearts Collide

I laugh over her curious doe-like eyes.

If she only knew how far from the truth her statement really is.

I’m not a dating man, and I’m definitely not a Casanova. Sure, I know my way around the female body, but that is a skill set, not a lifestyle.

I can tell Penny’s teasing, so I smile just to not make it awkward, yet I feel like I need to say something as well. “These items were gifted by my former real estate agent. There are no girlfriends, Penny.”

It’s true.

I prefer fewer-strings-attached arrangements. Those are better for all parties involved. Having some easy exit strategies keeps me calm and limits the potential for any drama that may result when things get heated.

If I want to fulfill a sexual need, I just hit up the club scene. Women there will volunteer. This isn’t me bragging. This is just how it is when you give just as much as you take. When you have a reputation for not being an asshole, it’s easy to have your pick of women for a drama-free evening.

“Is that a personal choice?”

“As opposed to what?” I ask, trying to understand the motive to her questions.

I don’t like being scrutinized. And yes, I get the irony.

Her shoulders lift. “Maybe you aren’t allowed to date. My brothers keep you very busy.”

“That’s what you think?” I cross my arms over my chest, leaning against the vanity.

“I mean, it wouldn’t surprise me.”

“No, Penny. I’m allowed to have a personal life. I just choose not to have one that involves a girlfriend.”

“Andwhyis that, Collins?”

I let her question mull around in my head, trying to find some type of explanation that will appease her. Maybe all this time, I just assumed that women want a man who can be emotionally engaged with them and their relationship. I just have no interest in going beyond the physical with any woman. Even though the people I surround myself with are madly in love with their partners, it doesn’t mean that I’m capable of that level of commitment.

Not anymore… And definitely not after being burned as badly as I was from a past that I can’t seem to forget.

I’m just not the type of man who can love. I am too analytical of a person to allow my heart the chance to break in order to open it up to the possibility of the undefinable emotion.

I am a black-and-white type of person. I don’t need those fuzzy gray in-between feelings that muddle up the water that wants to stay clear.

The way Penny stares at me with expectation makes me wonder if we are cut from the same cloth—holding others to the same standard that we hold ourselves.

“I’ll let you have some privacy,” I say, ignoring the question. Nothing good can come from this topic of conversation. “There are extra towels in the closet. Help yourself to anything I have here, and if you need something specific, I can get it delivered.”

“Thank you.”

I can feel the tension building in my muscles, as I restrain myself from saying something stupid, or worse, inappropriate. It’s bound to happen the more time we spend near each other, so cutting ties seems to be the only logical solution.

Heading out of the bathroom, I travel down the hallway and into my office. Even if we lose power in the building, I have a backup power supply. Luckily, the storm has passed.

My phone buzzes. Pulling it from my pocket, I see that it is the boss.

Graham: Everything still okay there? No power loss? Penny’s fine?

Collins: All is well here. Putting Penny up in the guest room until her place gets furnished and until it’s safe to bring her back to your parents’.

Graham: Thanks for taking care of her.

I swallow the lump in my throat. The guilt radiating through me is so extreme, it literally makes me nauseous. How am I going to avoid betraying the Hoffman family by being unprofessional? Can I even be around Penny and not break every boundary my traitorous body wants to cross?

It feels like I’m holding on by a thread of self-control.

---