Page 50 of If Our Hearts Collide

“Yes, silly—a joke.” I shake my head at him. I know he knows how to laugh. I’ve seen him do it at my birthday party which seems like a lifetime ago, because this discovery has literally been bogging me down the last few hours.

“Why can’t you just call me when you need a ride?”

“And I will do that?—”

“Good.”

I glare at his unnecessary interruption. “About seventeen percent of the time.”

“That sounds oddly specific,” he grumbles. His hand rubs at the back of his neck, and my eyes instantly narrow in on the tone of his arms through the fabric of his shirt.

Stay focused, Penny.

Do not get blinded by the biceps.

“My point is, I need some space. I hate feeling claustrophobic, and if you are going to be hovering on every sideline of my life, I’m going to”—my hands wave frantically in front of me as I think of my next words—“fill in the blank.”

I’m not even sure what I’m capable of doing, but I know I can only be pushed so far before I break.

“Why does my hovering upset you so much? We know each other. I’ve been working for your brothers for some time now.You can obviously trust me with your life and be confident that I have your best interests in mind. Why is this such a big deal?”

“Because I’m planning on having sex,” I blurt out. “Lots of it! Ooey-gooey sex.” I’m on a roll now, so why stop? “The type that you don’t want to know about. The kind that my brothers don’t need updates on or even acknowledgment of.”

“Penny…”

“I’m a grown-ass woman, Collins. I’m going to make mistakes that a background check and a fancy security system won’t be able to remediate. Let me. Just let me live my own life in peace and harmony, humping whomever I want and how often I want.” My voice is raised, as the words flutter out like caged birds seeking freedom, unable to be contained any longer. I don’t even know if I can actually complete a sexual act after the trauma I endured, but I sure am going to try to desensitize myself to all the things that would typically make me panic. I just don’t need Collins lurking around the corner, cockblocking me with his unrevealed-to-me orders from my brothers. “There, I said it. Happy now?”

I feel absurd, yet relieved, to get that off my chest. That’s the root issue. I really need to keep my private life private. Graham and Nic wouldn’t understand because the women they are protecting are actually in relationships with them. Who knows, they may even like their overbearing ways. But I don’t.

I glance over at Collins, who has the backdrop of peaceful trees swaying with the wind behind him, yet nothing about his demeanor hints that he’s at ease. “Well?” I probe.

“Well what?” he snaps.

I know he’s not this dense. “Are you happy?”

“Happy?” he asks, tension building in his shoulders, extending up to his now hard jawline. “You think any of your verbal confession makes me happy, Penelope? You are barely out of the facility. What about the hallway incident today outsideof Plus None? Do you think you are even ready for that next step? But here you are threatening to go throw yourself at anyone with a semi-hard cock. And for what? To say you can? To prove your defiance?”

My mouth dries at how he says the wordcock. A chill runs through me over his spitting rage. “Why are you upset? If anything, I’m the one who should be mad for you forcing me to overshare. You make me snap.”

Collins runs both hands through his short brown hair, grasping on to whatever he can and tugging. After a few minutes of silence and what I perceive to be the expectation that we are going to continue our discussion until we can come to a mutual understanding, Collins instead pivots and starts walking along the path toward the Sand and Stone Garden.

Why is he retreating?

Are we done?

I rush to keep up, nearly tripping to maintain the pace. “Is that it?” But my words fall on deaf ears. He is too far ahead of me to actually hear. I break into a slow jog, reaching for his arm to try to stop him from completely deserting me in the middle of the park. “What’s with you?”

Collins pauses his stride. And we just stare at each other. No understanding passes between us. It is emptiness. Like his mind has already been made up, and maybe if I’m lucky, he’ll let me in.

My throat burns from the harsh intake of air as my breathing levels.

“We are done here.”

“Youare done here,” I correct, propping my hands on my hips.

And just like that, he is back to power walking. “I’m taking you back home.”

I run to catch up again, tugging on his arm. “So that’s it? No more talking? You decide we are going, so we’re going?”

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