Page 34 of If Our Hearts Collide

Collins starts the engine, readjusts his shades that rest on his forehead, and then shifts in his seat to give me a thorough look. Every inch of territory he covers with the attention of his gaze causes me to wilt slightly. He, too, seems to be studying me. I don’t like it. It makes me feel vulnerable and under a microscope, and I spent the better part of a year feeling those same exact emotions.

I sigh. “Listen. You can’t intimidate me.”

“I’m not trying to.”

“I’m super resourceful and capable of slipping away from anyone trying to snuff out my first taste of freedom.”

“I’m aware,” he says simply.

“I know you are hired to follow me around. I get it. Graham and Nic need some type of assurance that I’m safe. But what you all don’t understand is the utter devastation I face every time I wake up and realize it is a new day. Another day in my life that is wasted. I’m done wasting time, Collins. Call it a life crisis if you will, but I am done going through the motions of a day, just to sleep and wake up, and then do it all again.” My shoulders slump forward. “I want to feel alive. I am going to take some risks to find myself again—wherever she may be hiding.”

Understanding hits Collins’s eyes, and the tension I’ve been holding in my shoulders releases, causing me to melt into my seat. I close my eyes to collect myself, waiting for the taciturn man to say something—anything—to confirm what I think I’m witnessing in his demeanor.

Nothing.

He says nothing.

Not a word. Not a hum. Not a sound.

When I cannot take any more silence, I turn to face Collins—who has yet to pull out of the driveway—and break down.

It surprises even me.

“Oh, Penny,” he says, reaching for my hand to squeeze.

I bite my lip between my top teeth as pangs of guilt hit me all at once. He is just trying to help—to do his job. And here I sit on some invisible self-appointed throne acting entitled, spewing my rant like some privileged rich teen. I’m not a kid anymore, yet I sure have been acting like one.

I did it with my momma and now I’m doing it with Collins.

“Don’t cry. Please.”

His touch feels so different.

It’s like we aren’t supposed to cross some emotional boundary, and yet he did so without thought.

“I’m being a brat. I know I am. I just don’t know what has come over me. I’m acting cra—” I shudder at the thought of the implication of the word I was about to say. I’m acting like I am. I just can’t bring myself to complete the second syllable and make it feel real.

Crazy.

It’s a one-word accurate representation of my latest mood swings.

“You’ve been nothing but good to me and my family, and here I am just ranting and raging and I regret it. I’m sorry.”

“No need to apologize.”

“It’s just that you came to my birthday party and gave me the most thoughtful gifts, and while I would love to think that you did that all on your own, I’m nearly positive my brothers are micromanaging every move you make and have basically hired you to shadow me. It makes me feel claustrophobic, and I hate feeling caged in. They probably even wrapped up the package and forced your hand to give it to me, if just to appear friendly.Normal.Yet nothing about the life of being the youngest Hoffman is normal.”

“It was my idea,” Collins says with sincerity.

“Huh?”

“The gifts. They were all from me.” His eyes soften to a shade that is the color of melted caramel. “I completely understand why you would think otherwise, so no harm done.”

My level of paranoia must be strong because I even accused Angie and Claire of using my brothers’ spy tactics to know I was interested in ice skating. “What about the rest?” I press further. The idea of not knowing what my brothers are up to will just make me more probable of doing something risky to avoid their watchful eyes.

“Yes, I’m assigned to watch out for you.”

“I knew it,” I snarl, tossing my hands up into the air. The car feels suddenly smaller with the tension simmering between us. I want to be mad at Collins, but who I really am mad at are my brothers. The least they could have done was consult with me.

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