Page 223 of If Our Hearts Collide

I’ll just be a warm body that serves a specific purpose. And when I’m done, I’ll be discarded and will have to go back to pretending that Collins is just my bodyguard.

Can I even do this?

I remind myself that this was solely my idea. Collins can do his job by being my bodyguard and not having to fight with me to comply. In return, I can fulfill some of my goals without the fear of being taken advantage of in the process. It is a win-win situation.

I trust Collins.

He’s not intentionally going to cause me harm, and it is all on me if I attach strings that don’t need to be attached.

Sure, he has this idea in his head that he is betraying Graham and Nic, but my brothers never once consulted me about having a bodyguard. I was never part of a negotiation or even the bare minimum discussion on the framework around Collins’s requirements. Instead, they took it upon themselves to figureout what they thought was best for me, when all I need to do is to push forward with my life and leave my ghosts in the past.

Maybe they are punishing me for visiting Mark in prison. Perhaps they are still coping with everything that happened to me. I know my parents are still struggling. Just the extra details Momma added to my birthday celebration was indication enough that she is trying to make up for lost time.

But no matter how special you make the present, it’s the past that is the haunting reminder of just how volatile time is. One day you think you have all the time in the world. Then the next months pass by and you can’t even remember them.

As much as it unnerves me to be left out of the choices made about my well-being, I know that Graham and Nic have good hearts, and that their decisions are a direct result of the evil they have encountered when I was drugged.

Mark Tanner causing me harm has had a huge impact on so many lives, and I’d be a fool not to acknowledge that. I don’t blame my brothers for wanting to protect me, but I’m an adult. I am twenty-two years old, and need to continue to make my own mistakes and learn from them.

I’m not perfect.

But I also am not stupid. Sure, I don’t have a college degree, but I am perceptive and resourceful.

“Penny?”

My mind snaps to the present when Collins starts removing his shirt over his head and unbuttoning his jeans.

I dampen my dry lips with my tongue. Then I remember his declaration earlier about no sex tonight.

“Are you”—I motion to his crotch with my hand—“changing your mind? I mean, I won’t object.” Shit, I sound like a deprived teenager on the verge of puberty.

Collins stares at me, stopping his zipper’s descent. “No, Penelope. I’m simply getting ready for bed and so should you.”

I point a finger into the mattress underneath me. “I’m staying here?”

He continues to slide down his jeans. “Yes.”

My eyes zero in on his black boxer briefs. They make his body look even more fit.

I can’t help but imagine his strong legs straining as he pumps inside me. Or using them to anchor me against the wall while he thrusts up into me. Yep, I’m not sure I can sleep comfortably knowing that he’ll be practically naked beside me.

“You’re sure we can’t activate the Bodyguard With Benefits package tonight?”

“I’m sure.”

“Can we at least spoon?” It’s a simple question. “Why are you smirking at me?”

“Probably because you’ve already asked me so many questions, and I can’t help but admire your desire for an interrogation.” He shrugs. “Maybe I find you utterly adorable.”

“Ew, no. Stop.”

“What?”

“Adorable equates to butterfly kisses and dry humping.”

“Wha—”

“And I want something rougher and passionate. Puppies and looking for cloud shapes in the sky are adorable.” Running my hands up my body, I toss my hair over my shoulders. “I want to be the girl who makes you break your rules.”

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