Page 201 of If Our Hearts Collide

“Getting together with random men whocanactually hurt you—physically or mentally—and playing chicken with your memories to see if you have flashbacks is not how you shouldbe spending your evenings, Penny. You are playing a game with psychological flooding, and it’s a game you’ll continue to lose.”

How does he know I was doing that? How does this man seem to keep figuring me out before I can even articulate what I’m doing in the first place?

But that’s what I’m doing…

I’m playing chicken.

I’m testing myself to see if I can be with a man and it not trigger me into an out-of-control spiral.

“I’m lonely.” My words come out as a whimper. And when the man who I once found comforting offers nothing back to me, I start moving toward the bar.

Collins is hot on my tail. “What are you doing?”

“I need a drink.”

“Penny, you shouldn’t drink at a place like this.”

“What?” I point to the bartender. “Why is there a huge bar then?”

“Decoration. It adds to the ambiance.”

“That’s silly. Pretty sure I see a ton of people drinking. And I know for a fact I consumed some prior to hitting the dance floor.”

I mean, I probably shouldn’t drink, considering I once got drunk on champagne vinaigrette that I used on a salad. But I’m too committed in proving my point to admit he is right.

“Drinking on limits night is asking for trouble. You shouldn’t be here.”

Ignoring him, I confidently round my shoulders as I eye up the bartender that served me just minutes ago. “Can you please make me one of the sunshine drinks again?”

His eyes move to Collins who is hovering behind me like Eeyore.

“Sorry,” he says with a frown. “I’m not able to do that.”

“What?” I ask stupidly, and then whip around to glare at the man who probably put a stop to the flow of fun. “Really? You are really doing this? The sober mountain is the one you are going to die on right now?”

“You shouldn’t be here. Let me take you home.”

I dig my heels into the floor, shaking my head. “No. I’m staying—if just out of principle and spite.”

I walk toward the restrooms, knowing Collins is right behind me. We enter into the hallway, away from the crowd of people.

“I’m sorry you are upset with me.”

I look into his eyes, willing myself not to get lost in them. “Let me get this straight. You don’t dance. You don’t drink. Well, not often at least.”

“That’s correct.”

“Are you a Mormon?”

“No, Princess.”

My eye twitches at his usage of my apparent nickname. The way the tone of his voice massages every syllable of the name causes my equilibrium to falter. He’s the only one I’ve been allowing to call me that, and right now I want to revoke his special privilege.

That’s what this man does to me. He shakes me and makes me question if I’m woman enough for him—even in my depraved fantasies. He causes me to wonder how things could be if he wasn’t the hired henchman of my two older brothers.

Would we ever stand a chance together?

Because the only way to fix this frustration between us is to fuck it out of one another.

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