Page 173 of If Our Hearts Collide

I do look like a clown.

I squirt some into my hands, lathering them up underneath the warm water from the faucet. Massaging circles over my blush-stained cheeks, I move upward to the mascara that hasrun under my eyes. I scrub at my eyebrows that have glitter stuck in them, and then swipe over my lids.

I rinse and dry my skin, patting my eyes that still hold some of the caked-on makeup. I didn’t realize how thick I applied it. After another round of soap, I am satisfied that I got most of it off and look less like a raccoon.

Finishing up my routine, I strip and slide into the softest pair of cashmere pajamas. I’m thankful they are long-sleeved, as Collins likes his place to be on the cooler side.

I move back into the room, looking at the nightstand for my phone. Dammit. I keep forgetting it’s in the locker at Limit-X. I feel a bit lost without knowing what time it is.

The apartment is so quiet. I don’t even hear Collins moving about his space. What is he up to? Is he asleep already? I need to stay clear of him right now. He’s not good for my nerves. When we are around each other, I feel like my heart stops and then starts again—but at a completely new rhythm. He makes me uneasy.

I quietly walk down the hall and into the kitchen, where I can see the time displayed on the oven. Luke won’t be back for a couple more hours, and that’s assuming he isn’t going to crash elsewhere.

Pulling open the fridge, I take a look. My eyes scan over all of the contents. You can tell a lot about a person by what they store inside, and I’m getting a healthy dose of information right now.

It is immaculate. Organized.

Every fruit, every vegetable, and every protein has its perfect spot. I’ve never seen a fridge so…

Clean?

No, that’s not the right word. So…

Deliberately OCD?

I’m afraid to touch anything and jack up the order that Collins has obviously tried to achieve, and yet the bottles of juicelined up so eloquently with all the labels facing the same way has me feeling parched.

And he has tangerine juice…

Who is this man?

I pluck a bottle from the second shelf. Looking at the lineup, it feels so unbalanced. I have to fix this. Stretching my hand back, I push the bottles in back toward the front, bumping into the neighboring columns of pineapple and cranberry juice. I never expected anyone to like juice more than I do, so this is a fun revelation.

It takes me entirely too long to be satisfied enough to stop fussing over the arrangement and step away from the fridge. Leaning my butt against the countertop, I crack open the bottle, busting through the protective seal. The first sip tastes so good that I ignore the acidic jolts hitting my taste buds.

I keep drinking until the bottle is completely empty. I seal the cap and then toss it into the recycling bin.

Seeing a permanent marker in a cup on the counter, I go back into the fridge for a little fun.

When my work is done, I meander into the living room, taking stock of the little details I missed the last time I was here. The soft blanket draped over the couch is folded perfectly and without wrinkles. It looks too pristine for me to be convinced Collins actually uses it. The coffee table is polished and smudge-free. The plush area rug is aligned and situated exactly in the middle of the room.

I’m too much of a hot mess to ever fit into his space.

Despite everything having a firm place in Collins’s home, he sure knows how to pick out comfy furniture. I plop down onto the couch to rest. It has been a long day. I unfold the blanket, kick out my feet to stretch its length, and tuck my toes into the soft folds. Getting off my feet lets me know how badly they hurt. I just need a bit more time until Luke is home and I can sleepin my own bed—where my body belongs. At least out here I’ll be able to watch the clock better.

I melt into the cushions of the couch, loving how warm my cocoon has become. My eyelids feel like paperweights, pushing down and blocking out the city lights coming in through the blinds. I pry them open and stare at the wall.

Stay awake, Penny.

I drift again and allow my mind to become void of the emotion that once coursed through me. I allow the tension in my shoulders to relax. I just breathe. And drift. And breathe some more.

The fear of falling jolts me from my slumber, forcing me to sit upright. It takes me several seconds to realize I’m in Collins’s apartment. I push myself up off the couch and walk into the kitchen. Squinting, I look at the clock.

Luke should be home. If I wait too long he’ll be asleep and might not even hear the doorbell. I’d better go now.

I grab my shoes and slip them onto my feet, tying them just enough not to risk tripping over them.

Maybe if I’m quiet enough, I can get back to my place without Collins noticing. His job was basically over for the night as soon as he brought me to this building. I can take it from here.

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