Page 5 of Implode

“And what’s that?” I ask, licking my dripping ice cream before it lands on my clothes. I am a bit sore from the procedure, so I sit awkwardly on the bench but still can see Blake in my periphery.

“So, you are going to have to trust me…”

“Nothing good comes from addressing your idea with that line, Blake.”

He makes a face at me. “At least I got your attention.”

“Just get on with it,” I say. I can’t help but smile when we are together. He is the best kind of antidepressant.

“Okay, hear me out.”

I take a deep breath. “I always do.”

“You need to send Nic a little gift. To say thank you.”

I can’t hide my confusion. “Thank you?”

“Yes, you need to thank him for fucking you over, but also tell him that you are better without him. Trust me, it will make you feel empowered and refreshed. Plus, who doesn’t like gifts? It is like reaching the ultimate level of kindness. But in the most beautiful passive-aggressive kind of way.”

“Ha. And how should I go about telling him this? I’m sure you have a plan in mind.”

“Always the best for you. You need to send him a box of dicks.”

“Real ones or fake ones?”

“Don’t get cocky.”

I cannot keep myself together. There are tears starting to roll down my cheeks from the humor that only Blake can bring.

“Focus, Claire Bear. This is important,” Blake says with a straight face.

“I’m trying.” I take a few deep breaths to keep the giggles at bay.

“Get creative. But make sure they are pretty. If they are edible, even better.”

“Of course, you would say that!”

“I mean, who doesn’t like dicks you can eat? So, make sure they’re tasty.”

I can’t stop laughing. My attempts at stopping have all failed. People walking by our bench give me dirty looks, as I drip ice cream down my hand and onto the sidewalk. I never thought this much discussion about the male genitals would be so much fun.

“Okay. Got it.”

I just planned Angie’s bachelorette party in Vegas, so I surely can find some edible dicks here in Portland to send to Nic as a parting gift. Maybe Blake is right in thinking that this will help give me some type of closure.

We walk back to the loft, and Blake gets ready for a trip to the gym. I start Googling for bakeries that specialize in odd requests…which leads me to an ad for revenge gifts…which then sends me on a winding journey to YouTube. Here I spend the next thirty minutes watching cute videos of animal bloopers. But that is how YouTube works. It sucks your free time down the drain as you jump headfirst into the rabbit hole. I feel cheated.

I put in my orders for custom-made accessories, featuring Nic’s dick pic he sent me. Who would have thought that him sending me an obscene picture during our Vegas trip would come in so handy? Glad I thought to save it. I hope Nic enjoys showing off his member to the world.

I decide that a cake with the picture printed on an edible sheet would be special enough. If only I could see his face when he receives his package—I’m so punny—at his desk in his HH office. I give very specific instructions and even make sure to have the delivery person check in with security prior to arriving to help everything run smoothly. When I’m confident that I have everything ordered and arranged, I close out of my browser on my phone and run through my to-do list in my head. Tomorrow is going to be a big day, and if I want it to be a success, I should prioritize sleep.

2

CLAIRE

From the time I wake up to the time I fall asleep, I have Nic on my mind. It has been happening so frequently that I’ve stopped trying to prevent it. I just need to learn how to cope with this new chapter that doesn’t involve him.

Thus, I’m surprised I am able to push through the weekend and start Monday morning with a semiclear head. I spent last night sending out my applications for a studio apartment, all within a price range I should be able to afford. I just need to get a few dates from some of the Entice database men—off the record. What Nic doesn’t know is that I already programmed a few phone numbers into my cell from the mixer event.

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