Page 13 of Implode

I follow the suited goon all the way to Nic’s Head of Security office. I push open the door and am ushered inside. The door shuts behind me, leaving me alone with Nic, and suddenly the room feels smaller. Stifling.

Nic’s back is to me and his attention is elsewhere.

“Why am I being summoned?”

“Because my men do what I tell them to do.”

Why won’t he look at me? What’s the point of this? “Answer the question.”

“Why would I do that, when arguing with you is much more fun,” he says wryly.

“Something tells me you didn’t invite me up here to discuss world news.”

“That’s correct,” he says smoothly, spinning around slowly in his chair.

I am speechless as I take in the scene. Baked items line his desk and lap, while a half-bitten cookie is resting between two of his fingers.

Nic smirks. “I see someone has a fetish for my dick.”

I take a step closer. I can’t help but stare at the basket and the cake and the clothing accessories. I made the purchases at the beginning of the week and completely forgot that today was the delivery date. If I don’t mark things on my calendar, I tend to be forgetful.

Buying items online is one thing, but seeing Nic’s penis printed on a cake and on socks is too much. This is probably one of the most creative gifts I’ve come up with, so for that I have to take a little satisfaction. I did good. I didreallygood.

I look back up at Nic and notice that he has tiny little die-cut penises in his hair. They are on his suit coat, all over his desk, and scattered on the carpet surrounding him. Glitter is sprinkled like snow everywhere within a yard’s radius of him.

“Wow,” I state. I am nearly speechless over the scene.

“Wow?”

“I wasn’t expecting the dick glitter bomb to be that…” I struggle to find the correct word.

“Explosive?” he suggests.

My lips can’t help but curl into a smile, which then turns into a giggle, and then it is a full-blown laughfest. Nic just stares at me as I stand in front of his desk, doubling over from laughing so much. Every time I try to stand upright, my eyes connect with his and I lose it all over again. I turn my attention to the back wall behind his desk and try my best to get the words I want to say out. “Yes, that’s the”—giggle—“right word.” I pause to gather all my verbal strength. “Explosive.” As soon as the word escapes my throat, I start the whole laugh cycle again.

“I guess you get what you pay for,” he says flatly. “You spared no detail in your message you sent to me.”

I shrug, trying to regain my composure. “I mean, who doesn’t love glitter?”

“Um, well, probably the guy that now has it permanently stuck in his lungs.”

How is he able to maintain a straight face? I can barely keep myself together. I can tell Nic is equally fascinated and confused by my gesture. I didn’t think it through, that much is obvious. Maybe he is seeing my gift as a door opening. He left me. Not the other way around. And now we are mutually choosing to keep our distance. Yet here we are, together again. We are playing a dangerous game of tug-of-war where emotions keep getting involved, but there is never a winner. Instead, we stay in limbo. This uneasy feeling of being off-balance is messing with my mental state. I did this for closure purposes, not to rekindle anything.

Except this doesn’t feel like closure at all.

This feels like self-inflicted torture.

Every time I’m around Nic, I’m reminded of what I lost. He is right though. He is not the man for me. I need to continue to remind myself to protect my heart. No one else will.

“This is my fault,” I say with defeat.

“Obviously,” he chuckles, glancing around at the display. Every time he laughs, more minipenises fall from his hair onto the polished surface of his desk.

I shake my head. “No. That’s not what I mean. What I’m trying to say is that I seem to be sending mixed messages and blurring lines that should stay straight. You made it clear that you are a bad fit for me. I will respect that.”

“Can I at least keep my gifts? After the shock wore off, I find I don’t mind looking at myself.”

I smile over his teasing. Nic really does have a good sense of humor, but I can tell he doesn’t let it out very often. I can’t help but wonder who hurt him so badly in the past. Whoever it was did a lot of damage.

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