Page 95 of Implode

Claire doesn’t say another word. I know she wants to argue or say something witty back at me, but she resists. My words are marinating in her head. It’s the only time she is ever this quiet.

We lie here until our fingers and toes start to go numb from the cooler night’s temperatures. I stand and pull Claire up toward me. I want to hold her face and kiss the hell out of her. I want to scream at her to let me back in. I also want to make sure that my next move is profound enough to make it impossible for her to say no to me.

I fold up the blanket and place a hand over the small of Claire’s back as we walk toward the house. We don’t say a word, yet so much is being communicated with just our breaths. We are in sync.

When we get back inside, Claire shivers from being outside for so long, and I inwardly scold myself for potentially putting her at risk of getting a cold. I get her back up to her room and walk into the bathroom, where she follows me.

“Let me draw you a bath,” I explain, filling the tub with warm water.

“Not too hot,” she says sadly.

I nod to her comment and then add some scented soap to make bubbles. I know she is referring to the baby growing inside her. I already feel like it is mine, yet I don’t want to get ahead of myself before the proof. I need to keep a clear head for a potential battle with fucking Maxwell, and not let the hope that is stirring inside keep me from letting my guard down where he’s concerned.

“Will you be okay?” I ask, walking backwards toward the door.

She nods and then waits for me to exit. I lie on top of her mattress, while I wait for her to finish in the tub. I must drift off because it isn’t until the line of artificial light from the bathroom passes over my eyes that I stir. I sit up and see Claire enter with a towel wrapped around her hair and one around her body.

“Oh,” she says shyly. “I thought you went back to your room.”

“Didn’t mean to startle you. Just thought you may want company or someone to hang out with if you are afraid to go back to sleep.”

Claire nods and gives me a faint smile. “Thank you,” she mouths.

She grabs her hoodie and slips it over her head. It is so oversized that it covers her down to midthigh. Pulling the towel out from underneath, she tosses it over the armchair. She slips on a pair of sweats, forgoing any undergarments underneath. Damn. How can someone so utterly casual be so fucking sexy?

“Pretty soon I will be so huge that this hoodie will look like a crop top,” she says as a joke, but I can tell it is bothering her.

“You will still be the most beautiful thing I have ever seen,” I say with confidence and reverence, imagining all the ways her body is going to change to accommodate the growing baby.

“Ha, doubtful. I mean, if you have a penguin fetish, then you may be in luck.” She waddles around the room with exaggerated movements, all while puffing out her belly. “Oompa Loompa is heading your way.”

“I’d put every single cent I own on that.”

A smirk plays at the corner of her lips. “I’ve seen you gamble before and”—she picks at her nail polish—“I’m not impressed.”

I shake my head at her sass. It takes everything in me not to pounce on her and take what every cell in my body wants. I want all the Claires.

Snarky Claire.

Quiet Claire.

Spontaneous Claire.

Cranky Claire.

Made-for-me Claire.

She takes a seat on the bed, and I kneel on the floor at her feet. “It is as if every inch of you, every curve of your body, was made for my eyes and hands to worship. You are beautiful now. And you will be even more beautiful tomorrow, and every day thereafter. I’m not scared of it anymore either. Bring on the mood swings and the stretch marks and the sight-unseen feet.” When I am met with silence and her glancing away, I continue, “You can’t wrap your head around the fact that no matter what, I will still find you desirable.”

Claire blinks hard. “You’re delusional.”

“I’m simply being honest.” When my face doesn’t show any sign of humor, I can finally see my words sinking into her brain. My poor girl has been hardened by the nastiness of this world, and I will forever regret ever being a part of her burden. However, I refuse to be sad over the winding path that got me to where we are today. While not all of the stops along the way were happy or something to be proud of, I am thankful that I am a few steps closer to getting everything I thought I didn’t want in this lifetime. Right now, I just need to be patient and wait for Claire to see the light.

Claire’s eyes soften as my words settle in her head. “Why does everything have to be so complicated?”

I stand up and situate us both against a mountain of pillows on the bed. Bending down, I kiss her forehead while tucking her to my side. “Not everything has to be.”

“But it is,” she says on a sigh. “Just when I think I have things figured out, life throws me another curveball.”

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