Page 73 of Implode

I pull back just to lean over and grab a tissue to wipe my nose. I am a blubbering mess. “You don’t know that.”

“You’re right, I don’t,” Angie agrees. “But I know you. You are resilient and strong and fierce. Whatever you encounter, you will do it with the grace you always seem to muster up.”

“Stop being so nice to me.”

“Why, Claire?”

“Because you are just making me feel worse for lying to you. I just never thought Nic kissing me for the first time in Vegas would turn into a big triangle. Those are the two potential sperm donors, you know.”

“Things can always be worse,” she comforts.

“I just found out Nic has been tapping my phone and put a tracer thing on my car without telling me. He violated so many unspoken privacy rules that I have no idea how I can possibly trust him again. Plus, he doesn’t want kids. He told his ex, Tara, those very words when she surprise visited us in his office. Oh and to make matters worse, Tara is the same girl who I went to high school with back home. She tormented me in school and is still a jealous bully. She also sabotaged me during a cheer competition and then made my teenage years a living hell. So even if Nic is the father, why would he want to even be involved?”

“Whoa, there’s so much to unpack there. First off, about the privacy. He’s a Hoffman and they—”

I huff. “That’s no excuse. I can’t ever trust him.”

“So it’s over?”

“Yes. There’s more to it than that, but this is a pattern of behavior I refuse to tolerate. I would rather parent my child alone than be forced to parent with a man who thinks he does nothing wrong.”

“Nic doesn’t know you’re pregnant?”

I turn away. “No.”

“Why not tell him?”

“I told you. He doesn’t want kids.”

“Claire, some men can’t see themselves having kids until they can visualize a life with a solid partner. Maybe he said he didn’t want kids because at the time, he knew having them was not a real possibility. Shouldn’t you give him a chance to alter his view? Or at the very least see if it has changed?”

I shrug. “I don’t see why I should put him through all of this. I never envisioned myself in this mommy role, prior to discovering I was expecting, and I’m not even sure I won’t fail at it.”

“Claire, you are going to be the best mommy for this baby.”

“Again, you don’t know that,” I respond.

“But what I do know is that you are a go-getter. Nothing stops you. You’re a perfectionist by nature, and you have a wonderful spirit and zest for life. Sure, this is not the way you wanted things to play out, but it is what it is. Do you think learning who the father is will make this any easier to swallow?”

“No. Because no matter how I cut the rotten fruit, it is still bad on the inside.”

“Surely you would prefer one man over the other to procreate with?” she challenges.

I allow her question to mull around in my head, and then I remember the kicker. “Oh, and Ethan has been propositioning me for sex.”

Angie tosses her hands up in the air. “What a freaking animal. Who does he think he is?”

“I beat the shit out of him when I was tired of his harassment. But the universe keeps having us cross paths. I can’t imagine what it would be like to coparent with a monster. The doctor doesn’t want me under that level of stress.”

“You saw a doctor already? How far along are you?”

“I fell and was bleeding.”

“What? No…”

“I went in and got seen in triage. The baby seems fine. Heartbeat is strong. I’m about seven or eight weeks along. I just feel like I’m being thrown repeatedly under a moving train but surviving each time—barely.”

“You have been carrying so much on your own. It’s time to accept some support. I also think you need to tell Nic—sooner rather than later. You keep predicting his reaction without actually knowing.”

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