Page 118 of Implode

Nic checks his phone and types out a message.

“Everything okay?” I ask, linking arms with him. I am going to need to keep my mind busy while we wait a couple of days for the test results. I would love to drown myself in work to stay occupied, but just from the fear penetrating through Nic’s body, I know that I have to give him what he needs. Right now, he needs reassurance that I can follow his safety rules.

“Asher just landed. He wants to meet at HH just to take a look around the building and see if I am missing something.”

I nod and frown. “I know you don’t think it’s safe, but can I go just to touch base with my employees and draft a plan to maybe only work a half day or two in the physical office, but then do the rest at home? I can try to work remotely this week while you figure things out.”

Nic turns toward me, and the love reflected back through his eyes is enough to make me shiver. “Thank you,” he whispers, visibly relieved at my concession. “I can see you trying to accommodate my wishes, and for that”—he bends to kiss my forehead—“I am very grateful.”

I reach for his hands and give them a squeeze. “We are in this together, right?”

He nods and this time captures my lips. “In this together, baby,” he says, helping me into the passenger side of his car. He moves my hair over my left shoulder and kisses my exposed neck before shutting the door. The chill from the air-conditioned clinic evaporates off my skin as the heat from his touch lingers and spreads. I watch as he finds his place in the driver’s seat, starts the engine, and switches into reverse. He places his hand behind my seat as he expertly backs the car up with ease and then heads out of the parking lot.

I fix my hair behind my ear and catch the sparkle of my new earrings in the mirror.

“Those new?” Nic asks, glancing over to look at my new diamond studs. They are way bigger than anything I have ever owned.

“Angie gave me and Penny a set from the Jealousy line from Graham’s company. It was a gift for being a bridesmaid.”

“Diamonds suit you, baby.”

I touch my fingers against the stones. I love them.

Nic drives in silence to HH, but I know his broody mood has nothing to do with his feelings toward me and everything to do with his fears. With Graham on his honeymoon, Nic is losing one more person he trusts to help him solve some mystery, which seems to be getting exponentially more dangerous, based on how many calls he’s—

His phone buzzes in the cup holder, and before I can look at it, Nic snatches it up and breathes out a string of curse words.

“Unknown caller?” I ask, looking at his face for any clues.

He grunts out a confirmation.

“Can I see it?”

“No,” he barks. He runs a hand angrily through his hair, as I can hear his breathing pick up. “I’m sorry, Claire. I’m losing my mind with worry, and if anything happens to you, I’ll go crazy.”

I shift in my seat. “I wish you’d tell me what’s going on. I deserve to know.”

“Whoever is behind this is going to pay,” he says, taking a few deep breaths. “I’ll feel better when Asher is finally here to give another perspective on the situation.”

“You guys went to college together on the East Coast?” I ask, trying to change the subject.

“Yeah. He and his now wife moved to Silicon Valley and are expecting their first child.”

“Oh, how nice,” I say softly. “Do you even want children, Nic? Maybe you will decide one day it is not what you want.”

“I didn’t think I wanted any, baby. But that was because I was so set on never settling down and on going through life alone. I was afraid to get hurt again, and it was easier for me to give up on hope than it was to gamble with trust. You showed me that the chance of getting a broken heart is worth taking the risk if what is waiting at the end of the tunnel is you. Thank you for our baby. What is a part of you, is also a part of me. I told you this before, I don’t need a test to confirm what I already feel inside.”

“I love you with every ounce of my heart.”

“Feeling’s mutual, my love. But how about you—did you always want kids?”

“No. I worry that I won’t be a good mommy. I don’t have much experience with babies, and I had the worst role model growing up. So, don’t be surprised if I suck at this whole parenthood thing.”

Nic places his hand on my leg, and I cover his with mine. Maybe there will come a day when I don’t let any of my insecurities through, but for now I just have to hope I can learn through my own experiences and break the cycle that keeps running on a loop inside my head.

“I hate that your family,” Nic starts to say but then shakes his head. “No. Let’s not even give them that title. I hate that the people who were supposed to care for you sacrificed you on the altar of their own selfish desires. But you are bigger than that, Claire. You radiate acceptance and love and strength. You aren’t going to be just a good mother. You are going to be the best mother, because you know exactly what it feels like to be ignored, neglected, and treated like trash. Use the pain of your past to change the future. Channel your energy in making this child never doubt that it is loved.”

Nic’s words are like poetry to my soul. He may claim he is not romantic. But what is more intimate than a man who can be honest and real? That to me is the definition of sexy.

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