Page 89 of Inflame

I open the door and stare at Ethan. “Tell me what?”

“I’m staying an extra night. I’ll just meet you at the apartment when I get back into Portland.”

“Oh.” I thought the plane trip back would be a good way for us to focus on having a conversation about our relationship. Evaluate what we each want and how we can move forward. “You didn’t tell me.” My words come out a bit clipped.

“Don’t need your permission either. It’s not like you are paying for the ticket.”

“Thanks for making me feel bad, once again, about making less money than you,” I snip back. I start to shut the door, but Ethan puts his hand up to stop it from closing.

“Less money? Claire, you are barely making any money.”

“Why does everything have to be about money?” I ask. “We are in a relationship. It’s not a business transaction.” As soon as the words leave my mouth, I am reminded of the way we met. We started out with a money exchange. Everything about itwasbusiness. Maybe we haven’t transitioned mentally from him being a customer to being an actual boyfriend.

He sighs. “Your mom warned me about this.”

My breath catches in my throat. “What? When did you talk to my mom, Ethan? What are you talking about?”

“She called me a few months back to chat. Was informing me that she couldn’t pay for all of your student loans. That you were an adult and would have to handle these little blips in the radar of life on your own. Part of growing up and being responsible.”

I cross my arms at my chest. He is so patronizing. “So why call you?”

“Probably to give me the common courtesy of knowing that if we were to commit further, I would be taking on a lot of your debt. It’s not like you were ever honest with me.”

“That’s not fair,” I say softly. “I just found out days ago that she was going back on her word to help me with my college loans. Up until receiving a letter in the mail, I had my finances figured out.”

This is all starting to make sense. I thought Ethan’s tune changed with me because of turning down a dream job in Los Angeles. Instead, he has grown cold and stingy with money ever since my mom told him I was basically walking around with a hefty debt. If he was looking for a way out of this relationship, this would be a good excuse for him to walk away.

“Who doesn’t even inquire if bills are even being paid? You were just coasting through life without a care. Irresponsible, if you ask me.”

“I didn’t ask you.” My words come out as a whisper, and I retract my shoulders when I hear his growl.

“What was that?”

“Nothing.”

“I have a son to raise. I don’t need two kids. One is enough, trust me. I also don’t need someone to suck up all of his future funds. I have a lot of discerning to do to make sure that my next series of choices are financially worth it.” His eyes rake down my body, then go back up to my face. “If you’re worth it.”

Damn. I’ve heard enough. I am nothing more to him than an expense.

“What? No argument?” he asks, following me into the bedroom, while I throw on a fresh set of clothes and start packing up my bags. I don’t want to stay here a minute longer than what is absolutely necessary.

“What’s there to say, Ethan? I’m always going to be the weaker link in the relationship if you only look at money as a way of measuring value. That’s what this is about, right? Money?”

“If you are hiding this debt from me, then what other kind of money issues are you hiding from me? You just expect me to bail you out of trouble. I’m not your dad. I’m your lover.”

“Right now, you are neither.”

I pull up the handle on my luggage and wheel it toward the bathroom. I just throw every item that is mine into the side compartment, not even caring if things get broken or damaged. Everything is a jumbled mess, and it is a great symbolism for what my life is like at this moment.

I am lacking order.

I am lacking structure.

And I am lacking the foundation I once thought I was building.

“You know what, Ethan?” I ask, turning back to look at his expressionless face. “You found out months before I did that my parents never intended to go through with their agreement to pay my tuition for my undergraduate and graduate degrees. Yet, you never told me. Why is that?”

“Would it have really changed anything, Claire? Would you have all of a sudden started looking for a legit job?”

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