Page 156 of Taste of Addiction

I know I am wearing a weird grin on my face, but I cannot keep myself from smiling. It feels so good to be in Hillsboro. It is like a retreat away from the city and from the pain of knowing that the goals I have been working toward are just melted dreams.

But, I can choose to be sad or choose to be happy. As one door closes, sometimes three more open. I may not see it now, but with time the answers to my unspoken questions may be revealed.

Donna claps her hands together. “Come, let’s go inside. I want to introduce you to two of my friends.”

Claire and I follow her into the house. We kick off our shoes at the door and make our way toward the kitchen, where Penny is chatting with Germain and her brothers.

“Oh Angela, so glad you could make it,” he says, embracing me in a hug. “And you must be Claire.” He opens one arm wider, welcoming her inside his warmth.

Claire reaches for my hand and gives it a squeeze. I can sense her appreciation for being invited here. I know we both have grown up with less than stellar holiday memories. “This may be my favorite Christmas since I was a little girl,” she says into my ear. “When being naive was actually a blessing.”

Penny moves over to greet us. She looks so amazing. Her hair looks freshly cut and colored with lighter shade highlights. The sadness that once clouded her eyes is gone. She looks happy and healthy—definitely something worth celebrating.

“Ladies, come here, I promised an introduction to my two friends.”

We shuffle over to Donna and get handed two glasses each. The rims are decorated with red dusting sugar and gold edible pearls. I look to where she has two huge glass drink dispensers set up.

“This is Merry,” she says pointing to a beautiful red beverage with floating cranberries inside, “and this is Joy.” The second dispenser is full of a festive green color.

Claire and I giggle. We fill our glasses with each liquid.

“Cheers,” she says, double clinking glasses with us.

I try a little of each beverage. “Wow, these are really good. What’s in them?”

“Hard stuff,” Germain calls out over the multiple conversations being had.

“Easy, sweetheart,” Graham warns. “You know how much of a lightweight you are.”

“Hey,” I scoff. “I can hold my own.”

Penny has her arm around his back and is leaning into him. It is so good to have her here and doing so well.

“I cannot wait to see what you and Mom have come up with for the family games,” Penny says to her dad. “I’ve been thinking about them since I left here on Thanksgiving.”

“We have definitely outdone ourselves this holiday,” Donna says thoughtfully to the group. “Pretty sure Germain and I are going to dominate the leaderboard, though.”

Between the endless laughter, the warm winter smell of the candles burning in elegant jars, and the sight of everyone smiling, I know that my senses are in overload mode. And every second I endure is worth it. This is what a family looks and feels like. As sad as I am that my dad and I are on the outs, he is the only person missing from this picture-perfect scenario.

We move into the living room where a ridiculously huge charcuterie board is set up in the center on a long wooden table. It has to have twenty or more different types of meats, even more cheeses, fruits, nuts, and preserves. It is a masterpiece.

“Something for everyone here, so dig in everyone,” Donna announces, passing us each a square plate with little pinecones and pine branches painted into the corners.

With the press of a button, Germain gets instrumental holiday music playing through the speakers. “Merry Christmas Eve.”

We all echo his sentiments and fill our plates. Graham and I find a spot to sit on the floor near the Christmas tree and the blazing fire. I sit between his spread legs and lean my back on his chest. I feed him bites from my plate, popping toothpicks of cheese and grapes into his awaiting mouth. Every morsel touching my taste buds is fresh and at the perfect room temperature.

When my belly is so full that I can barely breathe, I relax like a jellyfish even more into Graham’s strong body. He plays with my hair and runs his fingers up and down my sides in a soothing manner. I watch Claire interact with the family and then discreetly check her phone every ten minutes. If Ethan lets her slip through his fingers, then he is an idiot. And if she lets any man dull her sparkle, I will be very upset.

Claire has come a long way during her college years to erase some of the trauma from her past in Virginia. When we first met, we were both different people. Lost souls trying to find comfort in a world full of heartbreak. We bonded over coming to Portland to escape. The last thing she needs is to be here and yearning to run away again because of a man. He better do right by her—no matter what she decides.

We move into the sitting room where a huge grand piano is the focal point. We surround the huge piece, Germain taking the seat behind the keys. He starts playing the chords for “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas,” one of my favorites. Donna initiates the singing and we all join in. I let down my guard and belt out the lyrics. This is the exact song we sang on our last Christmas we celebrated with my mom—except it was during the summer.

With Graham’s hands splayed across my belly, I hold my own over my heart. I feel her and James deep within my heart. They have moved aside—no longer blocking the entrance—and helped stretch my heart to make room for the man who stands behind me. The man who walks beside me. And the man who is leading me into a future I have always wanted.

When the clock strikes midnight, we all say goodnight and disperse into our respective bedrooms.

“I need to talk to Penny,” I say softly, stopping in the hallway outside his childhood room.

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