Page 79 of Rush of Jealousy

Graham.

I must have been hallucinating. I can’t tell if it is from the drugs in my system or from the trauma I endured at the Maylord. I whimper and lean into Graham, as he undoes my belt—yet again—and envelops me in his arms.

“What is wrong with me? I’m going crazy. I’m”—I shake my head as a shudder runs through me—“sorry.” My nose runs with my eyes, and my lower lip quivers. I can feel my teeth click against each other with a chatter.

“Shh…”

Graham hugs me so tightly to him that I fear I may break into pieces. Iambreaking into pieces.

“I am broken,” I whisper-choke.

He places gentle kisses on my forehead. His hands gently weave into my hair, while his thumbs rub against my cheek bones. “You are strong, sweetheart. But you have been through a lot tonight. I’m going to do my best to help you get through this, but you have to be honest with me and yourself, and give yourself a chance to feel all of the emotions.”

After a long pause, I finally conclude what I really need from him. “I need you to talk to me.” I rotate in his arms and slide on the seat so I can look at him better. “I won’t be able to move forward if I don’t deal with these uncertainties. The unknowns are festering inside my head and eating at me from the inside out. Tell me what’s going on. Please. I know you are holding back.”

“This was targeted, Angie.”

My eyes twitch. “What do you mean?”

“Tanner had to know I didn’t have my eyes on you, at least not to the normal standard. He waited for the perfect chance to try to hurt you. And he basically succeeded.”

“But we had this meeting set up to meet his friend Steve from a newspaper for weeks. How would he have known I wouldn’t have you following my trail?”

“Maybe he didn’t know it would work out that way. Maybe he had a backup plan in case my men would have kept him from getting to you easily.”

“He told me I would have no knowledge of the evening. But I remember. And it is unfortunate that I remember how scary it was being helpless to whatever drug he slipped…” I choke. I turn my head to stare out the window. I try to forget how his hands felt on my skin. How he destroyed my dress. How he smacked my face.

The growl coming from Graham’s diaphragm snaps my attention back to him. He grips his hair in angry fistfuls, and for a second I think he is going to yank all of it out.

“Did things go further than you are letting on? How far did he force you?”

“Far enough to make me hate myself,” I admit meekly.

He takes my bruised cheek in his hands, and his thumb caresses my swollen skin. Keeping one hand on my face, he reaches down and retrieves an ice pack. I hear the popping sound and then feel the coldness as he presses the pad to my abused face. He holds it in place for me and stares into my eyes.

He opens his mouth to speak but stops before any sound is made. After several long minutes, he finally breaks the silence. “I’m pissed at you for not listening to my warnings about Tanner. I’m pissed at you for falling for his trap. But him ripping your clothes off. Him drugging you. Him touching you. That was never—and I repeat never!—your fault. Do you understand me? Abuse, of any kind, is never okay.”

My eyes water in a distorted blur, as I try to regain focus. “I was stupid.”

“Nothing justifies abuse. Ever.”

I swallow a sob as it shudders through me.

“He’ll pay for the rest of his life for what he did to you. Don’t you know by now that I protect what is mine? And you are mine. Whether you like it or not. If I have to dismantle his entire organization and blacklist him from the entire United States, I will. And I’ll have zero regrets about it.”

My shoulders hunch forward. “I can’t believe how stupid I was. He kept telling me his friend was finishing up a meeting at the Maylord. I went this long waiting to meet him, so I figured why would I back out now? I fell for the sunk cost fallacy.”

Graham’s eyes soften, and he reaches for my hand to gently massage, encouraging me to keep talking.

“Mark told me during our first agency date about Steve. Mark had me polish up my resume and get excited for this potential internship possibility. So, we get to the Maylord, and then he tells me his friend is at the lobby bar finishing up a prior commitment. But by that point, I was already drugged. I was getting a headache after I came out of the restroom at Fortune and sipped my seltzer. Sometimes nerves make me feel that way, so I thought nothing of it. I was feeling fuzzy. By the time he got me to the hotel room and then to the bed, I was paralyzed from the neck down. I knew something was wrong with me before I entered the room, but he kept pulling me and pushing me forward with his ultimate plan.”

“I’ll make him pay, Angie. I swear it.”

I have no doubt. “Despite losing the ability to move my limbs, I could still feel everything. I just could not get my brain to signal to my body to move.” I choke out a sob over the memory. How horrible and helpless I felt. “I just think Mark messed up on the dosing. Because even he was shocked I was still able to move my head and form some words. He just thought I would not be able to remember anything. He was counting on it. But I do remember. And I tried to record what I could.”

He studies my face, my reactions. I try to shield him from discovering the truth about my research project for my degree being wrapped up in all the Mark drama. I pray that my emotions do not give any more away. Because even though I plan to stay away from Mark, that doesn’t mean I’m giving up on this story. Now, this ismystory. One I need to tell. I have a voice, and my voice needs to be heard.

“You need to stop this nonsense.” His words are final. Not up for negotiation. “The recording and the interfering. You are going around Portland acting like you are some undercover cop. It has to stop. You’re going to get yourself killed. You have no idea how far he could have taken things tonight.”

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