Page 47 of Rush of Jealousy

I'm sure he can tell I’m not myself. That's what happens when I’m away from Graham for this long. I miss him. And I know deep down in the pit of my stomach that it wouldn’t be fair to go on a road trip with another man when my heart hasn’t fully healed from the breakup.

“Can you all look up the moon phases for the next two weeks?” Claire calls out from the kitchen, completely changing my mind’s focus.

“She wants us all to implement the Werewolf Diet,” I whisper, to answer Zander’s questioning eyes.

“What the fuck is the Werewolf Diet? Do we have to eat humans? Because I draw the line at cannibalism.”

“I’m not quite sure yet. Maybe we’ll have to make moon water and drink it.”

“She broke up with Ethan, didn’t she?”

“The actual verdict is not out yet on that. But to her, they are over.”

“I had a feeling they wouldn’t last.”

My eyes dart up to his. “Really? Why do you say that?”

Zander shrugs. “It just seems like when couples start out really strong or heavy in the physical department, things fizzle out fast. I mean, I could be wrong, and this is all just my opinion.”

I think about Z’s words and wonder if that is what happened between me and Graham. Maybe this whole time I put on blinders and allowed him to infiltrate my heart without really knowing who he truly is.

It’s as if we were destined to fall, but also destined to fail.

“Have you thought anymore about coming on the road trip with me?”

I suck my bottom lip into my mouth. I would love to get away. But this doesn’t seem right. “I can’t.” I don’t know what else to say. “I’m sorry.”

The doorbell rings, and I hop up to let Blake in, desperate to escape Zander's sad eyes. I know I disappointed him.

I know I would have had a lot of fun on the trip, but leaving Portland right now—despite desperately needing a change of scenery—doesn’t feel right. Maybe it's because I know Graham would go ballistic. Maybe it's because I don’t want to add any darkness into the pureness of Zander’s and my friendship. I’m not my best self mentally right now, and there's no need to drag anyone else down with me.

I give Blake a weak smile. “Hey again.”

“Hi,” he greets me with a hug. “I stopped over at Resa’s, and her roommate said she was still visiting home. She also said that Resa may drop out entirely.”

I frown. “I called her and left a voice message. She actually texted back. Never mentioned officially dropping out. This all just sucks.”

Resa has pretty much been isolating herself from the group, despite us all trying to be supportive and keep in contact with her. I guess some people handle trauma differently, and the night that she was chased may have been too much for her to endure—while still being a college student. I, of anyone, should understand that the human brain copes however it can to survive.

Claire brings in the snack tray and a pitcher of spiked punch. We all take our seats, make a toast, and start the munching. However, in the back of my head, I think about all of the girls who have already been victimized by what is happening on campus. Am I next? What about Claire?

“Ready for the drama?” Blake asks, making us all laugh and snapping me from my depressing thoughts.

I cannot allow fear to paralyze me. I cannot let these bastards win.

Claire sighs heavily. “I’m ready for any drama that is not my own.”

I grasp my drink in my hand. “Same.”

“To drama that is not our own!” Blake chants.

We clink glasses. “Cheers!”

10

I can blame it on PMS or the cold temperatures of early November or the contagious bad mood of Claire. But in the end, I know that the source of my grumpiness is centered around Graham.

I miss him.

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