Page 184 of Rush of Jealousy

She sighs. “He’s an amazing brother. But sometimes his good intentions get overshadowed by his need to have things his way.”

“Wow, you have him pegged.” I laugh.

“I would never believe it, unless I was witnessing it with my own eyes, that he was able to secure a girlfriend who would put up with the crazy shit that man pulls. I can only imagine what overprotective, idealistic protocols he has implemented for your relationship with him. He basically has my entire therapy staff scared every time he visits. I think they all think he’s the supervisor or something.”

I smile. I love her authentic personality. “He definitely takescontrollingto a new level, doesn’t he?”

“I'm pretty sure seeing me in the hospital sent him deeper into the darkness that he sometimes hovers in. So, if that trickles down to how he walks through life with you, I’m sorry.”

“He just wants to make sure what happened to you does not happen to anyone else,” I explain. “Me included.”

Penny looks up at me with a sad smile. “I don’t even know what happened to me. That’s what is creating my mental roadblock. I spent months not wanting to talk to anyone, and then I finally woke up one day and decided that I can’t keep living like this. I have these”—tears well up in her eyes—“episodes.”

I can relate. The ambiguity of the car accident that killed James eats me alive some nights when I go to bed thinking about it and wake up covered in sweat. “Sometimes moving forward means letting go of the notion that in order to completely heal, you have to know all of the answers. Putting a stipulation on what needs to happen to move on might prevent it from ever happening.”

Penny seems to mull over my words inside her head. “How did you get so wise?”

“I had to grow up fast. Too fast.” I don’t want to talk about the details—I never do—but something inside urges me to share. Maybe by opening up about my journey through trauma, Penny can see that recovery can start, and maybe I can move forward in my own journey as well. “I lost my mom when I was twelve to cancer. It was a horrible time watching her suffer. Then when I was a freshman in college back in Baker City, my twin brother and I were in a car accident. He didn’t survive. It was a hit and run. To this day, I am haunted by the what-ifs and the unknowns surrounding the entire thing. It eats at me. But I have to come to terms with the idea of never knowing what happened that night. If I keep living in the past, I will miss my future.”

Penny bites her bottom lip that wants to keep quivering. I can tell she is holding back her emotions as best she can. For meeting each other for the first time, these topics are weighty. I can only hope that I’ve helped her and not actually hindered her progression.

“But hey,” I say, forcing myself to sound cheery, “let’s go show your brothers that girls can play football too.”

Penny eyes me suspiciously over my change in subject but gets up from the bed and follows me out.

“At the very least, it’ll be entertaining watching them buzz around the field making sure we don’t hurt ourselves,” she says with a smirk.

We are both good at masking our emotions. I’m just not so sure that is an admirable quality to have.

“Good point,” I agree. The last thing Graham needs for his nerves is for us girls to join forces. But Penny is hard not to like, so he will just have to deal with it.

On my way down the stairs, I remove the hairband from my wrist and twist my hair into a messy bun and secure it with the tie. We put on sneakers and head out back in search of the guys.

“There’s a field over that hill,” Penny says pointing. “Let’s go.”

When we get to the destination, I am surprised to find Collins and Austin gathered with Graham and Nic. I walk over to Graham, and he wraps an arm around my waist, pulling me close to his side. I love how safe I feel when he has me close to him—like nothing could hurt me.

I look around the field and see the play area boundary that is marked with cones and dots of orange spray paint. “I haven’t really played before,” I say hesitantly, looking up at Graham. “Thought we were just tossing a football around.”

“That’s what the men are going to do. You and Penny can watch.”

“Oh no. That’s not how this is going to work.”

“You can be cheerleaders,” Nic suggests, but I know he is simply trying to get a rise out of us.

Penny laughs so hard that she doubles over, with her hands bracing her knees. Everyone stops and looks at her, as if they are seeing her for the first time. She must know Nic is just messing with us. Graham, however, is dead serious about excluding us. Ugh.

“Relax a bit,” I tell him. “It’ll be fun and good for the soul.”

“Fine,” he grinds out.

“I want to be on opposite teams though,” I say with finality.

“Why?” he asks suddenly.

“So when my team beats yours, the victory is sweeter.” I bat my eyelashes at him. “And then I can rub it in the rest of the day.”

He narrows his eyes at me. We both love competition and thrive on winning against each other. Graham definitely brings out this side of me—one I really didn’t think existed prior to meeting him.

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