Page 121 of Rush of Jealousy

“Does she have a name yet?”

“Chewie.”

“Aww, that’s cute.”

“Except when she gnaws on all of your shoes like a puppy would.”

I laugh at his facial expression. Maybe wecanstill be friends. Maybe this is all just a misunderstanding. Maybe we can go back to how things used to be.

I clear my throat. “I miss hanging out. I hate how we left things, Z.”

He studies my face. “Are you willing to give us a chance?”

I swallow and furrow my brow. I can’t meet his eyes. “What does that mean? We have hung out for years. Celebrated accomplishments together. It’s not that we don’t know each other.”

“But those things were done under the friends category. I wantmore. I want a relationship. Something beyond platonic hugs and gestures. Can you give me a chance to date you and see if it leads to anything more? I am only asking for a real chance, Angie. This doesn’t have to start out as a big commitment. Let’s just see where life takes us. But I want to do it with you by my side.”

“My heart is elsewhere.” I annunciate each syllable carefully, and each word seems to cut Zander like a knife as his once hopeful expression turns to anger.

“You are going to throw away four years of memories to fall at the altar of a guy you just met and barely know?” He gets up off the couch to pace. “He won’t care for you and honor you like I will.”

“If this was a different place in time…”

“No,” he says, shaking his head adamantly. He stops just a foot away from me and glares with fire in his eyes. “Please don’t fucking say shit like that to me. Acting like I even had a chance. Don’t you dare give me the ‘if this was a different time and different place’ trash. I deserve better than that.”

His frustration guts me. I don’t know how to fix this. I am about to lose someone else who I love, and he is slipping through the cracks without a rescue strategy. Chewie scurries off my lap, disappearing into the other room, and I wish that she would return so I had something to do with my trembling hands.

“Please, Zander,” I beg. “Can we just keep being friends?” Even though that is what I want, I know there is no way to undo what’s been done. I already know his intentions. And he already knows mine. It would be super awkward at best. And just sitting here now on the sofa, where I’ve spent a lot of time the past four years, suddenly feels weird.

For the first time in all these years, I feel like I don’t belong. That I am unwelcome here.

“I hate that you are so perfect for me. And I hate that you are going to hate yourself for breaking my heart. Because Angie, that is what you are doing to me.”

“I’m sorry,” I mouth. I can’t be here anymore. I can’t sit here and listen to his heart breaking without mine crumbling apart too. I lift myself up off the couch and head for the front door.

His body fills the door frame as I stand on the top step and look up into his devastated eyes. “When he shatters your heart again—and you know he will—I might be around to lean on. Or just maybe, it will be too late.”

I give him a nod and then walk down the steps as tears drip from my eyes onto the concrete. I sit in my parked car and watch as he slams the door shut to his townhouse. I wait until I have some of my eyesight back and then pull out of the parking spot and head back home.

Claire is resting on the couch when I let myself inside.

“Wow, you look like shit.”

“Thanks,” I mutter, “that is a great way to build up my self-esteem again.”

She frowns. “What happened?”

“I told Zander that my heart was elsewhere. And he—”

“Didn’t take it well?”

“Understatement.”

“Want a distraction?” she proposes.

“The last distraction you gave me had me on a blind date that I never even wanted.”

“And we know how that turned out,” she says cheerfully.

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