Page 174 of A Little Broken

I nod, albeit grudgingly. “Deal.”

“Perfect. And I’m leaving Hades for moral support.”

“Gee, thanks,” I mutter.

With a quiet click, she exits the apartment, and I toy with my phone, my indecision gnawing at me. “Come on, Tate. Just call her,” I mumble under my breath. Giving in, I dial Lia’s phone number, and it rings.

“Hello?”

“Uh, hey,” I murmur.

“Hey, Tate. What’s up?”

I don’t answer right away, unsure if I have the stamina to survive a few minutes of small talk when we both know that if I’m calling, there’s a reason behind it. Holding onto the reminder, I dive right in. “Can I ask you something?”

“This feels like deja vu, but yes,” she returns.

I press the edge of my sleeve against the corner of my eye, too tired to appreciate my sister’s dry wit, let alone comment on it. “How do you do it?”

“Do what?”

“How do you love someone when you know how much it hurts to lose them?”

Silence ensues, proving I probably should’ve been a little more up front about the topic instead of knocking her on her ass with one question.

“Sorry,” I mumble. “You don’t have to answer or whatever. I just figured with everything that happened, you might have some words of wisdom or something, and I could kind of use them right now.”

“Oh, Tate.” She sighs. “You really want to know the secret sauce to opening up again?”

My vision blurs with tears, and I wipe them away. “Yeah.”

“There isn’t one,” she offers weakly. “I’m still scared most days. When Mav is a minute later than he told me he’d be, I’m on the tracking app or I’m calling him or I’m texting him or I’m scouring the internet for any potential articles about a freak accident or a collision or…something.”

Defeat settles beneath my sternum as another tear slides down my cheek. “So it doesn’t get better? It doesn’t go away?”

“The fear of losing someone?” she asks. “Honestly, no. I don’t think it does, especially when you’ve already experienced it.”

My head falls forward. “That isn’t the answer I was hoping for.”

“I know,” she whispers. “But life isn’t all rainbows and butterflies, Tate. You know it as well as I do.”

“So, what’s the point?” I ask. “I’m in love with him, Lia. I’m in love with Paxton, and even though I’m able to admit I love him, the idea of losing him is absolutely…” I wipe beneath my nose with the sleeve of my hoodie. “It’s absolutely terrifying.”

“Well, yeah,” she concedes, “but, so is missing a moment that you could’ve had with him all because you let fear hold you back from being with him in the first place.”

She’s right. It’s the reason I can’t roll out of bed. The reason I’m struggling to do anything at all. Because I miss him. I miss him so damn much, it hurts to breathe. But he’s right there. Open and willing to give me a chance. To let him love me. So, why is it so hard to accept, let alone embrace fully?

“And if he’s as amazing as he has to be in order for a girl like you to fall for him, then he’ll be understanding of that,” Ophelia continues. “He’ll reassure you and hold you and kiss you when the moments get rough. When the fear is overwhelming and you’re having a hard time keeping it in check. And slowly, those moments when it’s too much will start to lessen over time, even if they never go away completely. To be honest, I don’t think they ever will,” she adds, carefully. “But here’s the thing, Tate. It’s okay. It’s okay to accept it. To acknowledge it. But to let it control you? Control your future or who you love or how you spend the rest of your life? That’s where you draw the line. That’s where you give it two middle fingers. Which, now that I take into account who I’m talking to, feels like you’re the perfect woman for the job.”

With a pathetic laugh, I dry the moisture from my cheeks, exhaling slowly. She’s right again. If anyone knows how to give two middle fingers to someone or something—including my own fear—it’s me.

“Thank you,” I whisper.

“You’re welcome,” she returns. “So, is he coming? To the wedding and/or engagement party?”

“Pax?” I ask.

“Yeah.” I can hear the smile in her voice. “We’re starting to put together the guest list for both, and I’d love to meet him.”

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