Page 55 of Worth the Chase

“If I promise to look for one, will you promise to never bring up that stupid fireman or his dumb name again?” I asked, sounding like a possessive, whiny teenager.

“Deal.”

She reached her hand across the table, and I took it in mine and gave it a firm shake right as the waiter appeared with our first course.

IT’S JUST SEX

BELLA

Matthew barely touched his wine. Trust me, I noticed. It wasn’t that I didn’t believe what he’d told me about his drinking habits, but… well, maybe I hadn’t been entirely convinced. Then again, Matthew had driven us here, and if he was as big of a lightweight as he’d claimed, he couldn’t go around drinking like I was.

I finished off my second glass after thoroughly enjoying every sip. Reaching for my water, I drank half of it in some attempt to balance out the alcohol with actual hydration. Our conversation had pretty much halted once the food started coming. It was a nonstop barrage of decadence in the courses, and even though the portions were small, they were filling. Apparently, the entrée was up next. Our waiter let us know that it would be a little bit before it arrived and asked us if we needed anything while we waited.

Matthew told him to go away, and a laugh slipped out of my mouth.

“It’s my turn to ask you a question,” Matthew said.

I knew instinctively what topic was about to come up.

“I want to talk aboutit,” he said, emphasizing the last word, and my body stiffened. “And then we don’t ever have to bring it up again.” I opened my mouth to say something in response, but he kept talking instead. “And listen, I know this isn’t any of my business at fucking all. I know that, Bells. And I’m not trying to be a jerk, but if I don’t ask you a few questions, I’ll never get past it.”

This was exactly what I’d hoped to avoid. Making something personal about me this huge ordeal. Something that needed to be discussed. Irritation bloomed inside of my chest.

“I want to argue with you because my virginity is not yours to ‘get past.’” I made air quotes around the last two words. “But I’ll answer what I’m comfortable with.”

Matthew nodded, his eyes soft and nonjudgmental. “I just don’t understand how this happened. And don’t get me wrong; I’m fucking over the moon that no man has been inside you,” he said, and I cringed a little. “And, yes, I know that probably makes me sound like a dick, but I’m a Cocaine Bear, apparently, when it comes to you.”

I couldn’t fight the smile that appeared on my face. “I’ve noticed.”

“So, how did it happen? Because there is no chance that guys haven’t been beating down your door to date you while I was gone.”

I shifted in my chair and leaned a little closer toward the table between us. “I feel like you’re expecting some big, dramatic story. But really, there’s not much to tell. I wasn’t trying to stay a virgin or anything. I just never got comfortable enough with anyone to go all the way.”

“What about dating?”

“I’ve dated. Casually. And I’ve done other stuff,” I said and watched as Matthew’s jaw clenched. “I know you don’t like hearing that, but it’s true. I could have crossed the line more than once, but I always stopped it before it got that far.”

“Why?”

“I don’t really know.” I shrugged lightly. “I’m not sure if I got too much in my own head about it or if it wasn’t the right guy, but something always made me stop.”

Matthew seemed to take what I’d said to heart. He nodded as he glanced around the room before those beautiful blue eyes landed right back on me. “I respect that.”

I laughed. “No, you don’t. You just like that I’mpure,” I argued.

“I mean, I don’t hate that part, Bells. But of course, I respect it. Do you know how many women I’ve had sex with who didn’t mean anything to me?”

I frowned in response to that. “I really don’t want to know.”

“Every single one of them,” he said anyway, ignoring my plea. “It was just sex. There was no emotional attachment. No emotions at all on my end. I was simply fulfilling a need.”

“This doesn’t make me like you very much,” I said, suddenly feeling sick to my stomach.

Hearing him talk about other women reminded me of all the articles Leo used to leave for me on my bed. It had taken years for those images to stop replaying in my head.

“I know that. But I’m trying to tell you that I’ve never felt like this for anyone else. Sex in the past was always just physical for me. But with you, it would be everything. It’d knock me on my ass.”

I swallowed hard around the lump in my throat. “Why do you say that?”

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