Page 53 of Stealing the Biker

“You know why. You’ll be with her.”

“I’m going to end things this weekend. I’d do it tonight if I could, but she’s at work.”

That’s another thing. Sabrina took a job working for my mom at her daycare. I try to avoid seeing her as much as I can. I know she doesn’t like me because she knows we kissed. If only she knew the rest.

“Really?”

“Would I lie to you?”

I chew on my thumb, and he notices my hesitation.

“Kiesha.” He groans. “I don’t lie to you.”

“You lie to Sabrina all the time.” And everyone else, but I don’t vocalize that.

“That’s not fair.”

“You’re right, Jimmy. It’s not. It’s not fair that my boyfriend lives with someone else. It’s not fair that you sleep next to her at night. It’s not fair that I can’t kiss you anytime I want. It’s not fair that you’re probably still fucking her behind my back.”

“Is that what you think?”

“I don’t know.” I sniffle as tears cascade down my cheeks. “I don’t know what to think anymore. I... I just want you. Only you, but I’m a dirty secret that you’re hiding from everyone. It’s not fair to anyone, especially not me.”

“You’re not a dirty secret, Kiesha,” Jimmy says, his voice a whisper. “You’re everything to me. You have to believe that.”

He goes silent for a moment, and I can imagine him running his hand through his hair, frustrated. The echo of his words plays through my mind, filling the silence between us as I contemplate what he’s saying. The sincerity in his voice cools my anger, but it doesn’t erase my doubts completely.

“I want to believe you, I do. But you can’t honestly tell me that there’s not been moments between you. She wouldn’t hold on this long unless you’re giving her hope. I’m not stupid. I pretendit doesn’t bother me. I pretend that you don’t lie next to her at night and sometimes I wonder if you even think of me at all when you’re with her. I want you so bad it physically hurts. Not being with you, truly being with you, is killing me. You’re all I want, and I feel like I can’t have you and am losing you at the same time.” My voice is barely audible now, drowned out by the incessant beating of my insecure heart.

“You think I don’t know that and want the same as you?”

“But just wanting isn’t enough. Words are empty without action, you know?”

There’s a pause on the other end and for a moment, I think he might have hung up.

“Fuck, baby.” He exhales heavily into the phone. “I didn’t mean for this to happen. For us to happen the way that we have.”

I cut him off, “but we did, and now we’re here. In what should be a dream come true. Only it’s not. It’s a nightmare I can’t wake up from.”

“Listen to me, Kiesha,” his tone softens. “I’m going to end it and soon I’ll have my cut. Once I do, it’ll just be you and me. I’ll get an apartment. Us an apartment, if that’s what you want.”

“Promise me you’ll tell her it’s over.”

“Give me the weekend.”

“Put the kitty down. Let’s get your shoes on,” I tell Kieleigh, trying to ignore the sourness churning in my belly. I’m anxious and feel like I’m on the verge of throwing my breakfast up at any minute.

I keep replaying my conversation with Jimmy in my head. I want to believe him more than anything, but that doubtfulsensation keeps creeping up. Playing on my anxiety. Like something is going to go wrong. Like somehow the universe wants to keep us apart.

“You girls ready to go?” Mom waltzes into the living room, spritzing her perfume.

“Ready as we’ll ever be.” I plaster a fake smile on for her and tickle Kieleigh under her arms.

Today is going to suck for so many reasons, but I want to make it fun for my little sister. I know she’s missing her mom and maybe even our shitty ass father. She’s a victim of their abuse and I’m glad she’s here, even if it comes with challenges.

Once we get to Camden Park, I can’t stop myself from searching for Jimmy and Sabrina in the crowd of bikers and their families. I don’t see them, but that doesn’t mean they haven’t arrived. They could already be on a ride for all I know. Maybe I won’t see much of them since I know I’ll be delegated to help watch my sister and some of the other little kids in attendance.

“Hey,” Bethany shouts, coming up behind me and I’ve never been more grateful to see her. “Pam brought me. We can be on kid duty together.”

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