“Good. Don’t take advantage of her, is all I’m saying.”
“Never would.” I’m totally fucked and need to fix this. I’ve not been clear with Kiesha because the truth is, I like her. And now I’ve got to let her down easy. She’s fragile and vulnerable and I completely took advantage, even if that was never my intention.
“Go home. Rest up. You’ve earned it.”
“Hey Gran. Do you need anything? I’m on my way home.”
“You might think about some flowers and a card. Maybe a cake. You missed Sabrina’s birthday. I don’t know what’s going on between you, but she’s been crying for days. Won’t come out of the bedroom. Not even for my butter cookies, and you know how much she loves them.”
“All right. I’ll take care of it. Don’t worry. She’s upset with me, but we’ll work it out. We always do.”
I end the call, hating that my Gran is disappointed in me. She didn’t say as much, but the judgement was evident in her voice. She loves Sabrina and would love nothing more than for us to get married and have some kids. Hell, if we broke up, I’m certain she’d kick me out and keep Sabrina. She’s like a daughter to her.
I’ve been impulsive and irrational. Selfish even. I just need to find a way to get Sabrina to embrace the club and what it could mean for us. For our future.
I stop off and do as Gran said. I buy Sabrina a cake, flowers, a stuffed animal, a necklace, and a card. Driving home, I anticipate the worst. Each mile feels like a stretch of ten and my heart pounds with every passing light and street sign. By the time I reach my Gran’s place, I’m on the verge of puking. Sweaty palms. Soured stomach. Pounding headache. Racing thoughts. A cold sweat trickles down my spine.
Sabrina had always been the one chasing me. I’ve never had to work hard at our relationship, but then again, I’ve always pretty much gone with the flow. When I walk through the front door, she doesn’t come running to me. The place is eerily silent apartfrom the ticking of the wall clock. Gran must have gone on to bed to give us privacy. Not that there is much to be had living in a trailer. The walls are paper thin. The only reason it seems like we have some privacy is because the bedrooms are on opposite ends.
“Sabrina?” I call out tentatively, making my way through the living room towards our bedroom. The door is slightly ajar and light spills out, illuminating the short hallway. I knock gently before pushing it open.
She’s sitting on the bed, her back against the headboard with her arms wrapped around her knees. Her hair is a tangled mess and there are bags under her eyes. She glances up at me but doesn’t speak.
“Happy belated birthday.” I place the flowers at her feet along with the stuffed fox, card, and cake. “I’m a shit boyfriend and all I can say is I’m sorry I forgot your birthday.”
She sniffles and picks at some of the rose petals. “I don’t want to fight, but I’m not ready to forgive you.”
“I hate it when we fight.”
“You fucked up.”
I swallow hard. “I know.” I sit at the foot of the bed. “I’d like to promise it won’t happen again, but I can’t do that. If this is going to work, you’ve gotta come to terms with me being in the club. If you can’t, then we can’t be together. I can’t be half in. Doesn’t work like that. Not with the club. Not in a relationship. Don’t ask me to choose because the club will win every time.”
“That’s not fair.”
“It’s what I want. And if you tell me, you can’t be with me, I’ll hate it, but I’ll walk away from us. I was born to be a biker. It’s in my blood.”
“Answer something for me.”
“I’ll try.”
“I need you to be honest. Is there something going on with that girl from the clubhouse?”
“I told you. I’m doing a job for the club. She’s in high school.” It’s not a complete lie, but I can’t tell her that I’ve kissed Kiesha.
Her brows furrow as she stares at me, searching for some telltale sign of a lie. “You swear to me. You swear there’s nothing more?”
I hold her gaze, careful not to break eye contact. “I swear. Nothing more.”
For a long moment, she just studies my face, biting down on her lower lip as if contemplating my words, weighing them against what she feels in her heart.
“There’s nothing to be worried about.” I try to reassure her, forcing a weak smile onto my face. But deep down, guilt is clawing at my heart. Kiesha and her tempting kisses flash in my mind. Heat sears the back of my neck. Her memory calling me a filthy, lying bastard.
“So, you’re telling me there’s nothing between you and Kiesha?” She fixes her gaze on me, eyes sparkling with unshed tears.
“I swear on everything. It’s just club business.” The words taste bitter in my mouth. I can see that she wants to believe me, but she isn’t fully convinced. And why should she be? I’m not even convincing myself. I’m an asshole and she deserves better. Her and Kiesha both do.
She’s silent for a moment before she finally speaks up. “I don’t know if I trust you anymore.”