Page 58 of Cursed Shadows

It appears luck is finally on our side.

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DRAGAN

The intensity of my grief at Thoradin’s death surprises me.

In general, I don’t consider myself a man who makes close ties or associations. Yes, Thoradin stood by my side since the Great War, but I would never have labeled us ‘close.’ And yet, now, looking back, maybe I should have.

I can’t help but feel responsible for his death. I brought Thoradin on this journey with me, pulled him away from the Shadow Realm where his immortality was guaranteed. I put him at risk when this wasmymission, my atonement for my own personal failures. I had no business putting his life in danger.

I can’t count the number of times I’ve sat in a similar position: head in my hands, stone in my heart, and a hardened resolve never to care about another person again.

I’ve fought my closeness with Eilish for this reason. Maybe it’s why I reacted so badly at discovering she’s more than she is—that she could be Succubus. Maybe my reaction was just an excuse to crawl back into my hardened shell, to refuse to be close to her.

No,I tell myself.Your reaction was born from the fact that she fooled you.She seduced you and you fell for it, because that’s what Succubae do.

I’m a fucking fool.

Yes, I know only too well what Succubae do—how they destroy a man, how they suck from him his very will to live.

At the thought that Eilish fed off my life energy, I feel my hands fist. I’m convinced that’s what happened—it was the reason why I was exhausted after I fucked her, and she felt so invigorated.

Yet, the feeling when and after I fucked Eilish was different to the feelings when I fucked Lamia and her daughters. Instead of the icy tendrils of power that reached into me, sucking out my life force, I felt tired, yes, but invigorated as well. I never experienced the gut wrenching pain I did with Lamia, nor the need to wretch up my insides.

The only similarity between both experiences was the exhaustion, the feeling of something being drained from me. But even that feeling didn’t last long with Eilish. Nowhere near as long as it did with Lamia, at any rate.

The more I consider sex with Eilish, the more I realize it can’t really be compared to sex with Lamia.

Regardless, Eilish fed off you and decreased your strength,I remind myself.Maybe fucking Eilish was more pleasurable than fucking Lamia, but it doesn’t change the fact that Eilish stole your vitality from you.

Yes, Eilish did feed from me without even realizing it.

Or maybe she did realize it and pretended otherwise,I correct myself.Cambion was right; we shouldn’t trust her. And now that I know what she truly is, how could I ever bring myself to trust her again?

Because, truly, if she is Succubus and angel, she’d be powerful in an unknown way as this pairing has never been seen before. I still don’t understand how it’s even possible.

Or would she be more powerful?I argue internally.Maybe the darkness in her merely contradicts the light, neutralizing her angelic abilities?

Maybe she isn’t even angel at all?

I know that logic isn’t sound. When Cambion performed theEnchantment of True Seeing, Eilish revealed the truth—that she was angel. And, furthermore, I’ve seen firsthand what she can do—what she did to the bone devil. She annihilated it—blasted it with light magic that surprised us all. She’s powerful and then some.

And that is a realization that scares me because I remember, only too well, the power of the Succubae. I shudder as I think Eilish is one and the same as Lamia—that she’s demon.

But is it right or fair to blame her for the fact that she’s a crossbreed? It’s not as though she can help it.

That no longer matters,I argue back.What matters now is deciding whether her angelic or demonic side is more in control. And treating her accordingly.

Either way, I don’t trust her, and I’m going to keep her at arm’s length until I learn more. One thing’s for sure: if she turns out to be against us, she’ll be an enemy that will be difficult to defeat.

Thinking back to Lamia, I feel my heart drop.

I don’t want to have to murder Eilish, but I will, if it comes down to it.

Murder Eilish…

The idea causes something to revolt deep inside me. At the thought of Eilish’s lifeless eyes, I want to commit murder myself.

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