Page 78 of Doctor Hot Mess

Jonah was called in early to the hospital this morning, and with him gone, the weight of the email sitting in my inbox feels more pressing than ever. The thought of Hawaii—six months in paradise, a dream assignment—has been gnawing at me since I saw the email yesterday.

As much as I've tried to put it out of my mind, I can't. It has been lingering like a bad dream. I need to address it one way or another.

It’s not just about me anymore. Jonah and I might not have defined whatever it is we’re doing, but it feels real. It's been a short-lived and somewhat tumultuous experiment, but it is significant.

At least, as far as I'm concerned.

And yet, this offer is something I’ve wanted for so long. And it directly contradicts the possibility for something defined and long-term. At least for the immediate future.

I pull out my phone and scroll to the agency’s number. I stare at it for a few seconds, with my thumb hovering over the hyperlink. The guilt for keeping it from Jonah, after all my pushing for him to open up, eats at me. But I can’t bring it up to him until I understand exactly what’s on the table.

I take a deep breath and press the button.

A cheerful voice answers after two rings. “Hi, Harper! This is Gina with Nurse Trek Staffing. What can I help you with today?”

“Hi, Gina,” I say, forcing a smile into my voice. “I got an email yesterday about a Hawaii assignment. I have a couple of questions. Do you have a few minutes to chat?”

“Of course! It’s a great opportunity, isn’t it?” Gina’s enthusiasm is infectious, and it makes me want to throw up into the phone.

“Yeah, it is,” I say softly. “I noticed the start date is earlier than my current assignment ends. How would that work?”

“Oh, great question!” Gina says. “Since both your current assignment and the Hawaii one are through us, we’d handle everything. We’d work with UAB to release you early and transition you to Hawaii seamlessly. It happens more often than you’d think with these highly-coveted spots.”

“Okay…” I chew on my lip, pacing a small circle around the couch. “What about the length of the assignment? Six months is a long time. Is there any way to shorten it to two or three months?”

There’s a pause on the other end before Gina sighs apologetically. “I’m afraid not. Because Hawaii assignments are so popular and there aren’t many of them, we only offer six-month contracts. It’s part of how we keep them fair and efficient—if we let people take shorter contracts, it would create more administrative work for the hospital.”

My stomach sinks. “Got it. I figured, but I thought I’d ask.”

“I completely understand,” Gina says. “I know six months is a big commitment, but it is an amazing opportunity. The pay is higher than most travel assignments, housing is included, and you’d be working in one of the busiest Level 2 trauma centers on the islands. I know you love ER work, and this facility specializes in emergency response for outdoor and water-related injuries. It’s challenging and rewarding, plus you’d get to work with a top-notch team.”

I sink onto the armrest of the couch, absorbing her words. Better pay. No living expenses. I want the chance to work in an environment that plays to my strengths. And Hawaii—the dream I’ve been chasing since I started this whole travel nurse journey.

“It sounds incredible,” I admit. "The timing couldn't be worse, but that is the nature of the business, right? Hawaii is the dream job, no doubt."

“It really is,” Gina says warmly. “But I completely understand it’s a big decision. Take some time to think it over. We do need an answer by Friday, though. If you decide not to take it, we’ll move down the list and offer it to the next nurse. And just so you know, if you pass on this one, it puts you at the end of the line for the next Hawaii opening.”

“Right,” I say, my voice tight. “That makes sense. Thanks, Gina. I appreciate the information.”

“Of course! If you have any more questions, don’t hesitate to call. We’re here to help.”

“Thanks,” I say again before ending the call.

I set the phone down and stare at the wall. My mind races even more than before. I thought calling would help me know what to do. Instead, I'm more confused and stressed than ever.

This isn’t just some assignment. It’stheassignment. But taking it means cutting my time in Birmingham short, leaving Jonah, and possibly throwing a wrench into the momentum and trust we've built.

The thought of telling Jonah leaves a frog in my throat. As silly as it sounds, it makes me want to cry. He could be like, "Perfect, go for it," without a second thought. I'm not sure if that would be a welcome response, taking off the stress of making the decision. Or, if it would a stab in the heart, because that would essentially mean he enjoyed the ride while it lasted, but ultimately, this was never going anywhere after my time in Birmingham ended.

I bury my face in my hands. For the first time since taking this travel job, I have no idea what I should do.

I stare at my phone, chewing on the inside of my cheek as I scroll with no real agenda of what I'm looking for or want to do.

Jonah just texted me that he will be there for at least another couple of hours. Apparently, there was a major accident on I-65, and they are triaging several critical patients. I feel for him.

I could use some levity—or, at the very least, Mason’s sharp wit to help me fill my Sunday. He's also my best sounding board when I'm trying to work through something.

Hey, you. What are you up to?

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