Page 99 of Healed Hearts

“You were right, by the way. I’m glad I waited.” Roman’s looking at me like he’s a little shell-shocked. “Anyway, that’s not why I’m here having this awful, uncomfortable conversation. I want to ask questions. Can I do that?”

Roman nods. “Of course, Holden. I can’t promise it won’t be awkward as hell. I mean, Beck’s the only person I’ve ever been with, so I’m not sure how much I can help, but I’ll do my best.”

I take a deep breath. “I guess I should probably ask if you ever bottom first. Unlike some people,” I pause, giving him a glare, “I don’t want to assume.”

He laughs. “Yeah, Beck and I are vers. When we were teens, though, I exclusively bottomed.”

I nod. Okay, even better, honestly, because he can look at it from both sides. “Does it hurt?”

Sadness flashes in his eyes. “It shouldn’t. If there’s adequate prep and you take your time. Did it hurt Julian?”

I let myself picture the way Julian looked spread out below me. The way his face looked, how his body shook and the sounds he made. I smirk. “It definitely didn’t seem like it.” I sober quickly, though. “What if I hate it?”

He gives me a confused look. “Then you don’t do it anymore.”

I mean, that’s basically what Julian said too. He says it’s not a dealbreaker. I’m sure he means it. He hasn’t lied to me, and he’s always been so gentle with me. I don’t see him changing his mind about it or taking advantage. “Can I ask another question?”

He nods. “Anything.”

This is so damn awkward. “Do you, um… do you like being rimmed?”

His eyebrows shoot to his hairline and his mouth drops open. But then he’s laughing. Not like he’s making fun of me, more like all his anxious, embarrassed energy has nowhere else to go. “How am I just now realizing we’ve never really talked about sex?”

“I mean, that was deliberate from my side. And let’s be real. You weren’t having any, so when would we have had the opportunity?”

He narrows his eyes at me. “You’re a little shit, Hold. Anyway, back to the question.” He clears his throat a couple of times. “It’s, uh… well…”

“Jesus Christ, Ro. It’s a yes or no question.”

He looks at his lap, murmuring, “I can’t believe this is my life right now.”

I scoff. “Well, it is your life right now. So if you would be so kind as to answer the question, so I can leave.”

He nods, still looking at his lap. “Yeah, Hold. I like it.”

I can see the tips of his ears turning red from where I’m sitting. At least he’s as embarrassed by this whole thing as I am. Misery and company and all that. “Okay. Good. He wants me to try stuff like that first. Before he’ll, um, before he’ll top me.”

Roman raises his head and his eyes find mine. “Yeah, that’s smart.”

I slap my hands on my thighs before gesturing toward the door with my thumb. “Okay. Well, I’m just gonna… go. And pretend we never had this talk.”

“Works for me,” he says with a chuckle.

I stand to leave, but when I get to the door, I realize I’m missing a vital piece of information. “Hey, what date did you guys choose?”

He looks at me in confusion before understanding flashes over his face. “Valentine’s Day in two years. Which, I know, is a little cheesy, but hey.”

I smile. “No, I think that’s great. But why so long?”

Ro shrugs. “Well, for one, the center is a time and energy drain. It will take time to get it stabilized. And two. We’re just not in a rush.”

“That makes sense, Ro. I’m so happy for you guys.”

“Thanks, Hold. Maybe you’ll be next, huh?”

He says it in a teasing, light way, but it still makes my heart pound furiously. Fuck, I hope so.

“Think about it, Holden,”Julian says. Well, jokes on me because I can’tstopthinking about it. It has my dick all kinds of confused since I had my talk with Roman two days ago. My painful, embarrassing, awful talk with Ro. Although, I am seeing why Julian wanted me to think hard on it. Because as much as it gets me hard, at the worst fucking times, it seems it’s just a likely to scare the hell out of me and make me go soft quick as hell.

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