Page 97 of Healed Hearts

“Yeah, that’s about right. Can’t stand him,” Beck says.

I’m a little shell-shocked. “It’s not cancer.” Is it just me or is my voice cracking?

Holden steps in front of me. My fierce little love. “It’s not cancer,” he confirms.

Breathing is becoming hard. “It’s… it’s still bad, though, right?” Holy shit. I’m not going to have a breakdown right now in front of Beck and Lydia. And definitely not in front of Wren.

Holden grabs my hand, pulling me toward the door. “Beck, keep an eye on Wren.”

I hear Beck’s worried “Sure thing," as Holden pulls me into the hallway and into another room, closing the door behind us. He leads me to the bed and urges me to sit down. The second I do, he steps between my legs and I pull him into my hold, burying my face against his stomach.

His hands come up to slide into my hair. “It’s okay. This is curable. We need to keep an eye on her, but we can fix it. She’s going to be okay.”

It doesn’t feel okay. It feels awful. “How did this happen?”

Holden sighs, scratching my scalp with his nails. “It can happen for many reasons—an immune response, a sickness, or even just because. We’ll likely never know what caused it.” I try to take a deep breath, try to keep my emotions under control. “I’m here, Jules. It’s okay.”

The first tear falls down my cheek and soaks into his shirt, more falling rapidly behind it. I squeeze him tightly, probably too tight if the little grunt he lets out is anything to go by, but he doesn’t protest. He lets me hold him, keeping up his gentle strokes to my head as I silently cry into his stomach.

I have no idea how long it takes before I get myself back under control. I’m relieved, of course. But even without it being cancer, it’s still bad. It’s not what I wanted for her at all. No parent wants this for their kid. When I finally feel okay-ish again, I drop my arms and sit back, wiping at my face. Holden gives me a nervous smile. “I sincerely hope you don’t expect me to wipe your nose. I can handle all manner of nasty things, but unlike you, I’m afraid I’m not immune to snot. It’s my one ick. C-diff? Fine. Please don’t make me wipe snot.”

I let out a wet laugh. “Have we finally found a flaw in the perfection that is you, darlin’?”

He shrugs, his lips turning up at the corners. “Hey, we can’t be perfect at everything.”

“Nah, but you’re pretty damn close. Let’s go get our girl and go the fuck home. I’m so tired of hospitals. Can’t believe I fell in love with a damn nurse.”

His startled laugh brings a shaky smile to my face as I stand, and then we’re walking hand in hand out of the room. Is it fucked up of me that my only thought is, thank God this isn’t cancer? I’m not sure I could survive going through that again.

Chapter Thirty-One

Holden

Julian and Wren went home this morning. Which isn’t my favorite, but I had to work, and I didn’t want them to have to sit around feeling uncomfortable all day. Besides, I’m dying to talk to Roman and I don’t really want to do that with an audience. It’s awkward enough talking about sex with Ro, but adding Beck to the mix? Pass.

Lucky for me, Beck got hung up at work, and thankfully I drove myself, so I have some time. Roman is working in his office today. He’s all very fancy and official with his home officeand it kinda cracks me up. We’ve really come so far from where we started.

I knock on the door and he yells for me to come in almost immediately.

I push the door open and step inside. “Hey, Ro.”

He looks up and smiles at me. “Hey, Hold.”

I nibble on my bottom lip. “Can we talk for a minute?”

Concern shows on his face, but he nods, gesturing to the chair he has sitting in the corner. Turns out, starting your own non-profit is a total time suck, and sometimes Beck sits in here with Roman at night when he’s working. I don’t think they even talk. They just sit there together while Ro works. Beck sometimes reads. I’ve also caught him laughing at videos on his phone, though.

“What’s up, Hold?”

“I need to talk to you about sex.” In hindsight, I could have waited until after he put his cup of water to his lips.

There’s a half a second pause, and then he’s spraying water from his mouth. It splatters across his desk and dribbles down his chin as he sputters and coughs. “I’m sorry.What?”

His reaction has me cackling. He looks around his soaked desk with wide eyes, and then he’s laughing too. We laugh until my stomach is cramping. “Jesus,” I finally get out once I’ve gotten myself under control. “Let me go get you a paper towel.”

He waves his hand around. “It’s fine. It can wait. Continue.” He chuckles again and then adds. “I’ll just not drink any more.”

I grin. “I know this is probably strange. I promise I’ll try to make it as painless as possible.”

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