Page 85 of Healed Hearts

“Not really.”

His deep chuckle washes over me, and I find myself smiling for the first time all night. A real smile. A smile that feels like me. He saw my worst. He saw my nightmares, and he’s still here. Still holding me. He stands and takes off down the hall.

We slip back into bed, and I lay on my side, my head resting on his bicep like a pillow, my body flush with his and his other arm wrapped around my waist.

“Hey, Julian?” I ask, my voice soft.

“Yes?”

“Can I kiss you?”

Julian pulls back, searching my eyes in the dark. “Are you sure? I don’t want to bring up bad memories.”

“How can it?” I whisper. “My only memories are of you.”

He groans, pulling me in close, and softly presses his lips to mine. I don’t want more. And I think he knows that because even though we both get hard, neither of us does anything about it. We just kiss. Softly, slowly, his tongue stroking over mine, his hand tangled in my hair, mine pressed against his chest. We kiss and kiss until my stomach is full of butterflies and my body is tingling with all the good feelings. The darkness recedes in thecomfort of his arms, in his taste, in the feel of his lips moving with mine.

“I love you so much,” I whisper into the kiss, catching his returning smile with my lips.

“I love you, too,” he responds.

We kiss for what feels like hours. My closed eyes grow heavy, our lips slowing until they’re resting against each other’s, connected but not actively moving.

Is he asleep? I think he is. Judging by the even rise and fall of his chest under my palm, he’s definitely asleep.

Should it offend me that he fell asleep kissing me? I giggle and he jolts awake. “Fuck, I’m sorry.”

“You fell asleep kissing me,” I say, giggling again, happiness bubbling in my chest.

“Hey, you fall asleep on me all the time, darlin’,” he grumbles, tugging me in closer to him. “It was time I returned the favor.”

“I don’t fall asleep kissing you, though.”

He opens an eye, peering at me like he’s trying to figure out if I’m actually mad. I’m not. I’m grinning at him. I can’t help it. No one has ever chased away the monsters in my head like he has. “Fuck, Hold. You have no idea how beautiful that smile of yours is.” That makes me smile wider. He lets out a little breath, and then he’s tugging me forward, kissing me again. It doesn’t last long, and then he’s pulling back. “We should get some sleep. Do you want to go with me to get Wren in the morning? I’ve got to run by the house and get some clothes and stuff.”

“Why do you need clothes and stuff?”

“Well, because we can’t very well stay here for a couple of days without something to change into, you know?”

My breath catches. “You guys are going to come stay here for a couple of days?”

He nods. “Yeah, I need you. And you need Roman and Beck, so here will be home base, at least until you feel better.”

I don’t even know what to say to that. I’m so thankful for him. “I need you too, you know? And I feel a lot better already.”

“I’m glad, but I still want you to be around your support system for now. I think it’s important. Plus, it’s a guarantee Roman will lose his mind if I try to take you away right now.”

Yeah, he honestly probably will. He’s always worried about me. To be fair, I worry about him too. I’m not the only one with nightmares. I nod. “Okay, sleep time. Almost time to get my Wren.” I pause, replaying my words. “Not mine, of course. You know what I mean, right? I know she’s not actually mine,” I ramble. Julian cuts off my spiral with his lips on mine.

By the time he pulls back, I’m breathless. “She could be yours. If we’re together, and we’re doing the future thing, which, I’ll be honest, is what I want. Then she would be yours too.”

His words almost make me forget how to breathe. I guess I never looked at it like that before. Didn’t consider that if I stayed with Julian, I would essentially be Wren’s other parent. “Do you want more kids?” I ask.

Julian hums. “I used to, but then I was a single parent. But if I wasn’t a single parent anymore, I’d definitely want more,” he says pointedly.

“With me?” I ask softly, almost too softly for him to hear.

“Of course with you, Holden. You’ll make the most amazing dad. Soft and kind and compassionate. I’d be lucky to have you as my partner in life and love and parenting.”

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