Page 84 of Healed Hearts

If I come to your house, will you turn me away? I need you.

I don’t get a response for a second, and it worries me, but before I can let myself dwell, I stand and head toward the door. Two steps into the hallway, I’m being swept off my feet. I gasp, fear swooping in my stomach. “Darlin’.” The low rumble of Julian’s voice soothes me instantly. He presses his face against my hair and inhales deeply.

He’s here. He didn’t leave.

He stayed. He stayed. He stayed.

“You didn’t leave,” I whisper.

“Of course I didn’t leave. Roman and I were sitting on the couch. I wasn’t going to leave you. Never. He told me sometimes you need space. I was giving you space, but the living room was as far as I was willing to go. Not sorry.”

I let out a wet laugh that quickly turns into hysterical crying. “Fuck, I’m such a goddamn mess,” I sob, hot embarrassment rushing through my body.

Julian chuckles. “My beautiful goddamn mess, though. So it’s all good. Let’s go say goodnight to Roman and go back to bed, yeah?”

I sniffle. “Okay, yeah.”

Julian packs me down the hallway, and when we cross the threshold, Roman is smiling at us. He looks exhausted, and a pang of guilt hits me in the chest. “Hey, Hold. Are you okay?”

Julian places me on the couch. Against my will, I might add. It’s okay, though. I use the opportunity to lean into Roman, who brings his arms up to wrap around me. “I’m okay, I think.”

“I’m glad. Therapy, Hold.”

“Ugh. I hate therapy.”

“I know you do, and I’m going to tell you the same thing you tell me. Non-negotiable. Get a session booked.”

“Fine.” I haven’t had a therapy session in years. I was pretty sure I didn’t need it anymore. I told Ro way back when that he should talk to someone, and he said only if I did too. But hekept talking to his therapist after I had deemed myself cured and healed. Not all that healed, I guess. He gives me a final squeeze and a forehead kiss before releasing me.

Roman stands, quickly pulling Julian into a hug, and I watch as Julian’s face shifts from shock to relief. Ro’s good at that. Making you feel safe and calm. Not as good as Julian is, but hey, we can’t all be perfect. Besides, it’s not like he can hug himself.

Roman pulls a page from Beck’s dad’s book. He never lets go first. He always lets you break the hug, letting you take what you need from him without cutting you off. The hug goes on for a long time, and even though I know that Roman is tired and most definitely wants to get back to Beck, he doesn’t drop his arms until Julian clears his throat and steps back. “I’ll see you two in the morning,” Roman says, turning on his heel and taking off down the hall.

Julian stares after him. “Is he always like that?”

“Kind and caring with the biggest heart in the entire world? Yeah, pretty much. Kinda sickening, huh? How one person who went through so much could be so fucking pure and kind after it all?”

Julian sits down beside me on the couch and pulls me onto his lap. I lean into him, laying my head on his shoulder. “You’re the same way, darlin’. Such a good fucking person.”

I don’t really feel like a great person right now, but I figure I should keep that to myself.

Julian makes that easy to do when he whispers, “I really like your friends. They seem like great guys. It’s clear how much they love you.”

“Yeah, they’re pretty great. I’m… I’m sorry about before.”

Julian nuzzles my hair. “I already told you. Nothing to be sorry for.”

“I know. But… did I yell at you? I don’t remember much, but I feel like I yelled at you.”

He hums. “You did, but that’s okay. You weren’t actually yelling at me. You were stuck. I didn’t take it personally. I’m glad Beck beat the hell out of that guy, though.”

“Yeah, me too,” I whisper. I remember wondering once, after the first time I met Julian, what Beck would do if someone hurt me. I figured there was no way he was going to wreck his life for mine. Why would he? But I guess he proved me wrong. “Does it make me a bad person that I’m happy he fought for me?”

“Darlin’, I don’t think you could be a bad person if you tried.”

“Can we go back to bed?” I ask.

“Of course. Do you want to walk?”

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