Page 81 of Healed Hearts

Holden lets out a little sound, something between a laugh and a sob. “No. I really don’t want to. Does that make me selfish?”

Beck squeezes him a little tighter. “Not at all, Hold. The offer is there, though. If you ever change your mind.”

Holden pulls back after a moment and turns to me. “I’m tired. Are you going home?”

Oh. I wasn’t planning on it. Does he want me to? “Um, do you want me to?” He hesitates to answer, and my stomach sinks. I’m not sure that I’ll be able to sleep without him tonight after everything that happened. But if he doesn’t want me here, I’ll go.

He’s quiet. Too quiet.

So quiet, in fact, that I push myself away from the counter and clasp my hands in front of me. “Well, I’ll just get out of yo—”

Roman cuts me off. “Scared with him, Holden.”

Holden darts his eyes to Roman, and I watch as they have a silent stare-off. Roman raises an eyebrow and Holden scowls. It’s strange to watch their interaction. It’s a whole conversation, completely without words. Finally, Holden’s shoulders drop, his face relaxing. He turns back to me, giving me an imploring look. “No, I don’t want you to.”

Relief floods me. “Good, darlin’. That’s perfect because I didn’t want to.”

Holden nods, but he doesn’t make any move to leave the kitchen. All the equilibrium he gained while he worked on Beck’s hand seems to have fled him, leaving him exhausted and sad.

Beck sighs. “Are you ready for bed, beautiful?”

“Yeah,” Roman responds, then he says Holden’s name and turns to look at him. “I’ll come if you need me, okay?”

“Okay, Ro. I know. Thank you. I love you guys.”

“We love you too,” Roman says, pulling Holden into a hug, and whispering something in his ear that has Holden nodding before pressing a kiss to his temple.

When the two of them leave the kitchen, and it’s just Holden and me, I step toward him. “Are you okay, darlin’?”

“No,” he whispers. I already knew that, of course. I’m not sure why I even asked.

“Would you like to go lie down? I’ll carry you.”

That gets a small smile out of him. It doesn’t quite reach his eyes, but it’s better than anything else I’ve gotten tonight. “Okay,” he says, so I waste no time picking him up and carrying him off to his bedroom.

Once I have him in bed, tucked under his blankets, I strip my jeans off, leaving my boxers and t-shirt on. When I climb in, I’mhalf expecting him to roll over and climb on top of me like he usually does. He doesn’t. He pulls me toward him, grumbling under his breath.

“I’m not sure what you want, Hold,” I whisper.

He huffs. “I want you to lie on me like I do you.”

I raise an eyebrow. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea, darlin’.”

“Why? Because I’m damaged goods? You don’t wanna touch me?” he snaps, anger soaking his voice.

Oof. Hello defense mechanism. “No. Because I outweigh you by at least eighty pounds, but probably a hundred. Aren’t you worried I’m going to crush you?”

He stares at me, like he’s trying to figure out if I’m telling the truth or if I’m lying to him to spare his feelings. Finally, he sighs. “No, I’m not worried. I want you to be like a weighted blanket.”

I bite my lip and consider the options. “Okay, how about we do this?” I scoot toward him, hitching a leg over his, pinning him to the bed, and dropping half my body over his upper body. He lets out a little sound, like all the air is being pushed from his lungs. I can’t do that to him. “It’s too much, Hold.”

“No, it’s not,” he wheezes.

I grin. “You are so stubborn. I’m not gonna be responsible for your suffocation.”

He lets out an irritated groan, but it’s more of a grunt because, you know,he can’t fucking breathe. I roll to my back and he sucks in a quick breath. “Okay, I’m good now,” he says. “You can come back.”

A laugh breaks free. I can’t help it. “No can do. But you can come lie on me, and I’ll squeeze you really tight, yeah?”

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