Page 79 of Healed Hearts

He nods, dropping his head back just enough to get it wet under the spray of water. Reaching past him, I pump some shampoo into my hand and work it into a lather before sinking my hands into his hair. I wash his hair, scrubbing gently at his scalp. He’s whimpering quietly, and I’m not sure if they’re good sounds or bad sounds, but I’ll be damned if I’m gonna stand here washing his hair, trying to make him feel better, but actually be triggering him instead. “Look at me,” I murmur.

He tilts his head back. His face is relaxed, his eyes calm. I feel the tension ease from my body. “Thank you,” I whisper, leaning down to kiss his forehead. Once his hair is rinsed and conditioned, I lather up a loofah and hold it out for him.

He looks up at me, his brows pulled together, a little wrinkle between them like he’s confused. “You aren’t going to do it?” he asks, bottom lip coming out in a pout. The worst part is, it’s not a put upon pout. It’s genuine. He’s sad about it.

“Do you want me to?”

He nods, bottom lip quivering. Oh fuck. I can’t have that. “Okay. I will. You’re alright,” I whisper, reaching a hand up to cup his face. Shit. He’s breaking my heart.

I step back just enough that I can clean him. My movements are quick and efficient, my touch light and clinical. I guide him back under the water, helping him rinse off. He blinks up at me, staring at me with an expression I can’t decipher. “You ready to get out?”

He nods, but doesn’t speak. I hope he’s not disappearing into his head. I’m truthfully not sure what to do. I know him, and I feel like we’re close, but Roman has known him for years. He knows the history in a way I don’t. Which is why I wanted tobring him back here. I can’t believe he thought I was going to leave him, though.

I shut the water off, and we step out of the shower. Once we’re both dry, I put my clothes back on, then tie a towel around his waist before picking him up and carrying him back to his room. My Velcro baby—constantly wanting to be attached to me. Despite the craziness of the evening, a smile forms on my lips as Holden tucks his face into my neck, his entire body relaxing. Not sure there’s anything better than that.

“Hey, Julian?”

“Yes?”

“Beck beat the shit out of that guy, didn’t he?”

“Uh, yeah. He really fucking did, Hold.” I’m only slightly jealous that I wasn’t the one who got to do it. I was on my way, had my hands on him, and was even enjoying the fear in his eyes as I towered over him, but then Beck yelled for me. And I saw the expression on Holden’s face and realized I had more important things to worry about. Namely, the love of my life, who was pale as a fucking ghost and shaking violently.

“Huh. Why do you think he did that?” he asks, but I don’t have time to answer because there’s a knock at the door.

After carrying Holden into the closet so he can get dressed, I open the door to find a haggard-looking Roman standing on the other side, eyes red-rimmed. “Can I come in?” he asks.

I glance over at Holden to see he’s dressed. In my t-shirt and nothing else. “Can Roman come in?” He nods, so I step back and let Roman in.

He gives me a little nod, and then he’s crossing the room, pulling Holden into his arms. “Jesus, Hold. What were you thinking?” he whispers, arms squeezing Holden tightly, obviously trying to regulate his breathing.

“I thought that asshole needed a piece of my mind. But I guess I couldn’t handle it.” He lets out a wet-sounding laugh that’sdrenched in sadness and not a single bit of humor. I lean against the wall, watching them embrace.

I could definitely see how if you weren’t comfortable and secure in your relationship, their friendship could make you jealous. But that? The way they’re holding each other? That’s a brotherhood. I don’t think they could survive without one another. And honestly, it’s so goddamn beautiful. Even with my closest friends, I never felt that level of safety—of comfort. It’s no wonder they left, and I isolated myself. I’ve never seen anything like the connection these two have.

And Beck? He was just as confused about who Motel Guy was as I was. But he didn’t need the whole story to know that Holden needed protection. I’m not one for violence. I never have been—too aware that my size can make any threat of violence seem worse than it actually is—but watching Beck take that guy down with one hit was infinitely satisfying.

Roman pulls back from Holden, cups his face, and brushes his tears away. “I’m okay, Ro,” Holden whispers, but it’s not convincing to me at all. Clearly, Roman doesn’t buy it either because he shakes his head.

“Fuck, Hold. I haven’t seen you like that since… I can’t even remember.”

Holden tries for a nonchalant shrug. “I thought I was strong enough.” His voice cracks, new tears streaming down his cheeks.

Roman tucks him back against his chest. “Your strength is not measured by your ability to stand up to people who abused you, Hold. Look at how far you’ve come—how caring and kind and empathetic you are.That’swhat makes you strong.”

His words have tears welling up inmyeyes. He’s right, though. Holden is all those things and more. I clear my throat, and they both turn to me. “I’m going to go talk to Beck. Are you gonna be okay here with Roman, darlin’?”

Holden hesitates, fear flashing in his eyes, but then he nods. “You promise you’ll come back?”

“I promise.” I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. Although, I’m planning to go home and pack some clothes for both Wren and me. I’m picking her up in the morning, and we’ll come back here. I don’t want to leave Holden alone, but I also don’t want to take him away from his family. He needs them right now.

“Okay. I’ll be alright with Ro,” he whispers. I truthfully have no doubt that he will be, but it’s not about if he’ll be physically safe with Roman. It’s about if he’s okay with me stepping out and not having me in his line of sight. So far, he hasn’t been. Does it make me seem shitty if I say that I kind of love it? That he wantsmeabove everyone else? That he doesn’t want to let me out of his sight? I hope not.

I watch him for a second before nodding and stepping into the hall. I just about run right into Beck, who’s pacing back and forth. His hand is wrapped up in gauze and when he sees me, he stops. “Is he okay?” he asks, blue eyes pleading and terrified.

“I think he will be. Roman’s got him for now.”

He starts pacing again. “I can’t believe that fucker. The goddamn nerve, the audacity. Just saying that shit in the street? No fucking shame at all. Fucking sickening.”

---